Last night was my first rough night since being back on plan.
Nothing drastic happened but I was tired both emotionally and mentally and I let my old tapes and demons vie for my attention.
Yes, I'd had a great weigh in ... but I kept beating myself up for being back up in weight anyway and thus needing to even lose those 10.6 pounds. Couple that with the fact that in past challenges or weight loss times, I'd "cheated" the night after my weigh ins. Nothing too big but even an extra starch can throw my weight off and in so doing, that would generally set off even further off plan choices. The thinking of "I'll fix this tomorrow and I'll still be down on Tuesday" would rear up in front of me and I'd embrace it wholeheartedly. Well, I'd embrace it until Tuesday rolled around and then I'd proceed to beat myself up because I'd be saying "Man, if only I'd stayed 100% on plan, I might be down another pound.". Amazing what those things do to our weight loss progress, huh? That thinking is the path of destruction and failure. I've been down it many times.
Anyway, last night I was confronted with all of that as I went out to dinner with a friend. We visited Pita Pit which, if you haven't been there, I'd highly suggest. They have a great salad option. Only go if you're feeling strong though. They also have feta, olives, salad dressing, chips, and cookies that reach out and tug at your stomach.
All those old tapes started playing "just a little bit of feta won't hurt" or "really? would one cookie kill you?". I battled with myself all through the salad line. I think I even had a bit of sweat on my brow as I passed up the feta cheese. But, in the end, I came out victorious.
As hard as it is to say no in the moment, it's such a relief in the long run. I went home feeling satisfied, happy, content, and powerful for having confronted an old demon and for winning the fight.
Instead of going to the cupboard for additional food to cure my guilt over having gone off plan in the first place (another past behavior), I cuddled up on the couch with my pups and read a great self-help book (Single - The art of being Satisfied, Fulfilled, and Independent). I went to bed feeling strong, confident, and on top of my life and choices. I felt in control instead of out of control and weak. That's an amazing difference.
I know he'll show up again. Demons don't take no for an answer very easily. But next time he shows up, he'll not be as strong and I'll win the battle a little easier.
I love this feeling and it's far more powerful than the feeling of regret I've had on other Wednesday mornings.
You know, I think, just maybe this whole diet thing might be sinking in and working! Love it!