Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Beliefs About Myself

So, I debated, hesitated, analyzed, and tormented myself regarding this posting. I'm not generally this personal so putting this kind of information out there for the world to see can be a bit hard to muster. Having said that, I'm sure you all have similar or more difficult stories to share and part of understanding where we're going, is looking back at where we've been (check out Letha's recent blog for more info on this).

Thus, I'm posting this because I'm hoping my process will help you guys with your process.

As part of The Healthy Weigh's plan, we're asked to identify and then ask hard questions about our belief systems. The premise is as follows: Our BELIEFS dictate our THOUGHTS which dictate our FEELINGS which dictate our ACTIONS.

So, in my life, this plays out like this.

I don't believe I'm worthy of good things (lack of self worth) so I think "uh-oh!" when a good thing happens and instantly go to "I don't deserve this". I then feel horrible (sad, upset, depressed, apprehensive, etc.). Based on those feelings, I either sabotage good things (hello, welcome to my weight loss journey), don't seek them out (relationships) or don't fight for the good that I want (I settle).

That's just one example, but it's amazing how many different ways these things play out in my life.

I recognize, when I write it all out, that it's a bit silly. Of course I'm worthy of good things ... right?

Yes, I know that consciously but the messages or tapes that play over and over in my head buy into these false beliefs and then act them out in ways I'm not even aware of. This can be seen most recently in my attempts to continue losing weight.

I say I'm going to lose weight, but if I don't think I'm worthy or can actually accomplish it, will I really lose all my weight? Surely I won't be able to keep it off because those tapes will start to play and I'll start thinking I'm already a failure and thus, I will fail.

The first step to changing my tune is identification. If I can accurately identify my false beliefs, I can turn those tapes off and replace them with more positive messages. But how in the world do I identify something I might not even know is a false belief???

Well, it's a process! And I'm digging into it as I write this.

I'm asking myself the following questions to get my answers.
  • How would you describe yourself as a child? As a teenager?
  • What did you like about yourself? What didn't you like?
  • What were you good at? Not so good at?
  • What were some of the things about you or your circumstances that you've "always" believed about yourself?
  • Were you taught it was more important to take care of others before yourself?
  • What are some of the things you remember being told about your intellect? About your appearance, friends, abilities?
  • How do you handle compliments today?
  • Who do you trust? Why?
  • How did your family handle conflicts?
  • When you were upset as a child or teenager, what did you usually do in order to feel better?
Heavy stuff! Time to dig deep and find some answers though.

More to come on this as I work through it .... In the meantime, it's a new day and I'm starting it off right with a cup of tea in my hand, awesome holiday music filling my office, and a smile on my face.

Good things are gonna happen today!!

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