This has been something I've been notoriously bad at documenting. I think it has something to do with not wanting to disappoint myself. If I don't document what I want, then I won't need to worry about not getting it. If I don't have a goal to reach, I won't be a failure when/if I don't get there.
Wow, until now, I've not realized I've done that. What a crappy outlook at the start of such a long and difficult journey! It's like walking on the edge of a cliff thinking I'm going to fall instead of staying focused on the end of the cliff and safety. As a horse rider, I know that if I look where I want to go, that's where I'll end up. The same should be true with weight loss. If I don't look where I want to go, I give up control. The truth though, is that I have control of this outcome and therefore, I need to think of what my life will be like when I reach my goal.
So, here goes.
I want ....
- to feel confident when I walk into a room
- to ride my horse with ease and not worry about my rolls, lumps, bumps, and shakes
- to fit into "skinny" clothes and feel sexy
- to be free from food and overeating
- to see myself as beautiful
- to find value in who I am
- to accept compliments with grace and believe them
- to understand and accept what I can control and what I can't
- to finally put an end to overeating and the shame of being fat
The fat me ... isn't really me. It's who I was. But certainly not who I want to be in the future. I'm a good person that has tons of energy, spirit, vibrance, and joy. I want to exude that instead of hiding behind of a shell of skin and fear.
My body needs to catch up to my spirit and I see this process getting me there. I'll match. Inside and outside.
Goal weight and maintenance are a great place to live. I need to continue to refine my vision of how life will be when I get there, but on the upside, I'm working on it instead of ignoring it.