Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Weekly Challenge ~ Challenge

This weeks challenge in our challenge (say that 10 times fast) was to create a list of what we really wanted as a result of our weight loss.

This has been something I've been notoriously bad at documenting. I think it has something to do with not wanting to disappoint myself. If I don't document what I want, then I won't need to worry about not getting it. If I don't have a goal to reach, I won't be a failure when/if I don't get there.

Wow, until now, I've not realized I've done that. What a crappy outlook at the start of such a long and difficult journey! It's like walking on the edge of a cliff thinking I'm going to fall instead of staying focused on the end of the cliff and safety. As a horse rider, I know that if I look where I want to go, that's where I'll end up. The same should be true with weight loss. If I don't look where I want to go, I give up control. The truth though, is that I have control of this outcome and therefore, I need to think of what my life will be like when I reach my goal.

So, here goes.

I want ....
  • to feel confident when I walk into a room
  • to ride my horse with ease and not worry about my rolls, lumps, bumps, and shakes
  • to fit into "skinny" clothes and feel sexy
  • to be free from food and overeating
  • to see myself as beautiful
  • to find value in who I am
  • to accept compliments with grace and believe them
  • to understand and accept what I can control and what I can't
  • to finally put an end to overeating and the shame of being fat
As I've said before, when I lost weight before, I thought it was about getting to goal weight, fitting in cute clothes, and having the perfect body. It's so much more than that though. This go round I'm focused on the personal side and working hard to fix myself internally so that outwardly I'm reflecting who I really am.

The fat me ... isn't really me. It's who I was. But certainly not who I want to be in the future. I'm a good person that has tons of energy, spirit, vibrance, and joy. I want to exude that instead of hiding behind of a shell of skin and fear.

My body needs to catch up to my spirit and I see this process getting me there. I'll match. Inside and outside.

Goal weight and maintenance are a great place to live. I need to continue to refine my vision of how life will be when I get there, but on the upside, I'm working on it instead of ignoring it.

2 comments:

  1. congrats on your weight loss!!! i have lost 70 lbs myself!!! check out my blog, my name is sean!

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  2. " If I don't look where I want to go, I give up control. The truth though, is that I have control of this outcome and therefore, I need to think of what my life will be like when I reach my goal." - This is amazing. And I really like how you used the analogy of horse-riding, too. That makes a lot of sense. I'm so glad you're writing your thoughts out because they really are helpful and extremely insightful. Plus, I'm just interested in what's goin on with you because I love you, cousin! :)

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