Thursday, October 28, 2010

Tricky Treats

It's only ONE small itty bitty piece of candy.
It's only 100(ish) calories. I can work that off in the gym later.
I've been so good ... I deserve this indulgence.

These are things that are running through my head today as I pass by the candy dish in my friend's office. Those darn Halloween candies are trying to take up residence on my hips!

I'm combating them though by letting the things Letha said on Tuesday run through my head.

First of all, it's not just a small piece of candy. It's 100 calories which would equate to 20 mins on the stairmaster (hate that machine!). 100 calories is more than two pieces of fruit and it's 1/4 of the size of those fruits. There are also 5 (FIVE!) grams of fat in a little snickers bar. Wowza! For a gal that's consuming only 17 grams a fat a day on a well rounded diet, 5 grams seems a little excessive.

But more than the hard facts, there's also an emotional and mental side effect of going off plan. If I gave into the momentary craving, I'd be letting myself down. Perhaps I would be able to work off the calories and fat with a hard workout at the gym but I couldn't work off the fact that I'd knowingly gone off plan. I'd know I'd given up on myself and my commitment to become a healthier, smaller, happier person.

In fact, let's play this out just to see where the day would take me if I indulge this morning ....
  • 10:00: I have my first mini snickers at 10. It's a whole 5 seconds of chocolately pleasure.
  • 10:06: I'm feeling guilty. Why did I give in? The pleasure was short lived. Once the chocolate passed my lips, I felt worse. Hmmm... how to solve this guilt?
  • 11:00: on my way to fill up my water bottle, I have another snickers .. cause ... well ... I've already gone off plan so why not do it again and since the first piece didn't make me feel any better, perhaps the second piece will. Hmmm ... best try it out.
  • 11:05: I'm feeling guilter. Ugh! Time to hit the gym. HARD!
  • 11:15: I'm lacking energy. I don't feel mentally fit so physically I'm struggling in my workout. I've already quit my diet for the day ... should I quit my workout too? I can't seem to stick with anything so why stick with this horrible workout?
  • 1:30: After cutting out of the gym a bit early, I pass by the candy dish again. Perhaps another candy. After all, I did work out at least a little bit even though I didn't want to. I deserve a treat!
  • 1:35: UGH! Full blown guilt and ickines. Hating myself, hating life, hating food. Why did I give in in the first place?
  • 6:00: Dinner time. What to eat? I'm dying for some mac and cheese. Or, perhaps that bread because it looks soooooo good. I've already had my starch for the day but ... do I really need to eat chicken and salad AGAIN? No, I've already been off plan today so I'm going to eat what I want to eat and just be done with it. Why be good now? I've already blown it for the day. And, tomorrow is a new day.
  • 7:00: What a horrible day. I wasn't on plan at all. I'm guilty, upset with myself, and feeling pretty crappy about my choices and follow through.
  • The next day: The cycle repeats because even though it's a new day, I already know I've been off plan for the week for at least one day so why stop there? I already know my weigh in will be crappy so why not just do what I want to do and live with the consequences when they arrive on Tuesday?
  • Fast forward to Tuesday weigh in after another few days of poor choices and poor eating (it all cascades you know). I step on the scale knowing I've let myself down as well as my teammate and will therefore have bad results on my weigh in. In front of the other teams, my choices are revealed in the numbers reflected on the scale. My feelings of insecurity, depression, guilt, and weakness continue. The cycle continues.
I know this might be a bit extreme, but the reality is that one I make a choice to go off plan, it's easier to continue to make that same choice. Regardless of how negative it makes me feel, it's somehow easier because those negative feelings are familiar.

Now that's messed up.

I don't want that to happen. I want to be successful. Saying no to a piece of chocolate and momentary indulgence will keep me successful. It will have the opposite impact. I'll do my workout today being mentally strong which will help me be physically strong as well. I'll push harder, workout better and have better results on Tuesday because of that. In addition, my weigh in on Tuesday will be great. I'll have stuck to plan and will know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I'll be down at least 2 lbs. After the loss last week, I'll probably be down way more than that. Now thinking about that, makes me happy. Being closer to my weight goals and fitting in my clothes again, that's worth more than mini chocolate candies.

With that, I think I've successfully convinced myself to stick with my plan. Being firm in my convictions will make this an empowering and amazing day. It will get me closer to my weight loss goal and I'm so ready for that!

1 comment:

  1. ..."Regardless of how negative it makes me feel, it's somehow easier because those negative feelings are familiar." Wow. This is SO true. I think that sentence pretty much encapsulates why we are all a little bit insane when we keep making choices that hurt us because it feels "normal" and any anxiety of changing personally (thereby impacting the world to change/respond to us differently) is eliminated. For me it's like "well, if I keep doing what I've always done - it might suck, but at least I'll know what to expect". That's letting anxiety rule instead of fuel. LOL - omg, just came up with that little nifty rhyme. ;) anyway, I love reading your thoughts, dear cousin.


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