Day 2 and I'm doing well, feeling strong, confident, and still on track. I feel like I'm back on top of things again although my hungry, rumbly belly seems to disagree with that statement. The belly lies though so I'm choosing to ignore it and instead stay strong and focused on my chosen path.
I actually ventured back to the gym today. It's been far too long since I cracked open the gym door. I'm attempting to seal that up as a routine again though. I used to love it. I felt empowered after a good workout. After today's workout though, it's hard not to feel a bit disheartened.
The workout was to consist of 30 mins on the stairs at a level 5 followed by 3 rounds of a rigorous weight lifting which was to include 1 min planks, 60 shoulder curls, 60 lunges, 60 shoulder presses, 60 biceps curls.
Cool, I'm thinking, let's do this! My good friend and workout partner has me pumped! I'm on it! I can fly through this, I think to myself.
So off I go. I start the stairs and quickly realize that my poor, out of shape body will not last 30 mins at a level 5. It will be lucky to last 30 mins at a level 1. I'm 10 mins into my routine and my thighs are on fire. My arms are sweating. Even the tops of my hands are sweating. I'm already checking the time every 10 seconds to see if I might be done yet.
As I'm dripping sweat and red faced, who do I see walk past but my ex boyfriend. Aw, classic. He, of course, looks great. I can tell he's a regular at the gym. Great. I see him, lose my balance on the machine, and drop myself as well as my ipod on the ground with a loud crash. Again, classic.
Not only am I'm heavier than I was last time I saw him, I'm far more out of shape. My spirits drop and it takes everything in me to get back up and keep pumping my legs on those stairs. My brain was yelling at me to quit and hide out in the bathroom until it was safe but my heart was telling me to push through, do this for me, and not worry about some silly ex boyfriend. The old Wendy would have hidden in the rest room. The new Wendy needed to take back the control and continue onward for herself.
I did push through and believe me, it was a struggle. I pushed through the stairs, the weights and managed to pull out the planks. I had to cut down on how much weight I was doing, adjust the levels, and modify a few exercises so that I didn't kill myself, but I did it. I literally didn't stop sweating until 30 mins after the workout was over.
And, looking back on it now, I feel great! I have that same empowerment feeling that used to come over me back in the day. The feeling of accomplishment, security in my body, and hope for change.
Although I'm tempted to get down on myself for how much I've lost in endurance and muscle (and how much fat I've gained in it's place), I know that if I stay focused, my body will get all the good stuff back quickly while dropping all the bad stuff even quicker.
Today I proved that this is doable. Not only can I eat well again and make wise food choices, but I can go to the gym and push myself to succeed.
This is only day two .... Oh, this challenge is gonna get good!