I know I talk about candy, and sugar, and extra melba snacks, but if you want to know what really gets me going ... it's pizza.
Back in the day (waaaaay back in the day) when I'd had a bad day, I'd call up Godfathers, order an extra large extra cheese extra black olive pizza and then inhale the entire pizza without taking a breath. Literally. In the 20 minutes it took me to get home, I'd have devoured the entire pizza.
Yes folks, that behavior is the exact reason why I was 307 pounds! I shudder now to think of the calories I pumped into my body. Incredible.
Anyway, I digress.
Last night, I was confronted with pizza head on. It came to my door and sat in my kitchen on the counter (ugh, the nerve!). The smell wafted it's tempting finger of goey goodness through to the living room and beckoned under my nose for me to partake.
I swear that pizza was talking to me. It told me it didn't have any calories, would solve all my problems as well as world peace, and generally settle a sense of euphoria upon my heart. Ahhhh, food euphoria. Yes, I remember that feeling. It was short lived but what a high. It was a high that came while I was consuming then quickly turned on me when the food was gone ... but ... with the smell and talk beckoning me, it was sure hard to remember all the bad things I felt after the food slipped through my lips. It was way easier to stop at remembering the taste of the goodies rather than the feelings.
Rewind to earlier in the evening before the pizza took up residence in my kitchen.
TS wanted pizza for dinner. He'd hinted at it a bit, asked if I would have a piece or two to which I said a firm "no, thank you though" but I told him he should order it for himself if he wanted it. He wasn't on a diet. Why should he change his eating behavior for me? Although I appreciated his willingness to do so, I also knew it was unfair to ask him not to. I needed to take responsibility for my own choices and I thought I was strong enough to resist the pizza if he did order it.
So he called Domino's and placed the order.
In the meantime, I started preparing myself mentally and physically. I made a HUGE chicken salad with fresh veggies (garden tomatoes, string beans, onions, spinach, etc.) and decided I'd eat before the pizza arrived so that my rumbling tummy wouldn't add to the beckoning of the pizza.
I repeated to myself over and over "nothing tastes as good as being thin feels" and went to my closet numerous times to see my inspiration clothes (skinny jeans and a cute little jacket I used to flaunt around in). I even pulled the jacket out and slipped it on the dining room chair so I'd see it when I walked through to the kitchen where the pizza would sit.
I was ready!
Pizza arrived. As mentioned, temptation ensued in rapid succession. I resisted.
I'm so proud of myself! All of my mental work paid off. I heard the pizza talking to me and yes, it was a struggle not to have a slice or three, sneak a bite, or pinch off a topping or two. But I didn't give in. I kept repeating to myself that I was worth more than that pizza. I was worth the self-control it took to resist. I was worth fitting into that cute jacket again. I was worth seeing this through. And, the fact that there was a Thursday weigh in looming in my future really helped me continue down the right path. I said over and over "I won't give in. I won't give in. I won't give in."
It was one of the hardest evenings I've had while on plan and the pizza temptation took me back to the beginning of my journey. I remembered what it was like to eat what I wanted and I also remembered how I felt when I ate what I wanted. Not so good.
The feeling of success I have today is way more satisfying than the pizza would have been. I also feel powerful and confident instead of weak and self conscious. My weight loss goal is in the gross hairs and I'm on the hunt.
I call what happened yesterday Pizza (won't)Power. I had the willpower to say "I won't eat pizza" and I didn't. I had Pizza (won't)Power!
Oh, and by the way, that pizza (won't)power helped me lose another pound since Tuesday. Power that helps me reach my goals? Yep, that's the best kinda power to have!