Wednesday, September 1, 2010

Can I restart (yet again)?

Boy, I feel like I make a day or two of headway and then get thrown back into the whirlwind of life and completely go off track. Why doesn't life just cooperate already? This is important to me and losing this weight needs to ... well ... it needs to just HAPPEN already!

Quite honestly, I'm afraid to even utter the words "starting again" as it implies I have to commit to this and quite honestly, I can not fail again. I will not fail again.

As of late, I've not had the best track record when I've gotten jazzed to lose the weight and thrown it out to the world that "I'm baaaaack!" so I'm refraining and instead saying to myself "let's just see how this goes".

Why was it so much easier before I knew what dieting really was about? Like now that I've done it, although I know I can be successful if I commit (problem #1), I also know how much work it is to get there and my brain is refusing to be tricked into this diet thing again.

But perhaps it's not about the trick as much as it is about the doing.

Regardless, I'm learning a lot about myself in this process. I'm learning that I still have a long way to go. No matter how much weight I lose, unless I focus on the REASONS why I gained my weight, I will never be able to keep it off. Focusing on and cleaning up the reasons ... well ... that's harder than losing the weight because life hasn't stopped to let me figure this all out. Instead it's picked up it's pace. I'm being drug along behind it right now and I need to get back on my feet to run this race.

I'm facing things I've buried or thought I'd dealt with. I'm also coming to terms with who I am vs who I want to be. I'm taking a long hard look at my soul in the mirror and adjusting accordingly.

I appreciate those of you that have checked in on the blog to see how I'm doing. I'm still here. I'm growing emotionally (as is my waistline but that will change soon enough). Some of that growing needs to be taken offline as I seriously doubt everyone in internet land wants to know the intimate details. I don't even want to know about them!

Anyway, I will be back and I will complete this weight loss journey. I plan to start weekly weigh ins again soon and will be blogging once I'm a week or so into the weight loss. I need to get my passion back, hold onto it, and then I will share it with all of you lucky people.

In the meantime, I hope you all are staying strong and losing! Your losing inspires me and right now I need that inspiration!


  1. just randomnly found ur blog. WOW at ur before and after pic. Amazing stuff!Keep it up :)

  2. Nice seeing your post and I hear you on the REASONS part. I have been hovering over the same few pounds for MONTHS but I have worked out A LOT of the emotional stuff so it has not been time wasted.

    Looking forward to your next post!

  3. Thanks for replying! I'm now following you and very interested to scroll through your old posts to see how you've lost all the weight and how you got it done. People like you are so so inspiring!

  4. I had a gain this week as well. I let the stress of the week get to me and didn't make the wise choices food-wise that I know I should have. But it's important to learn from the mistakes and do better in the future. Yes, you can start over. I know it's tough as I too am starting over this week. But you can do it! Look at how far you've come already! you inspire me to keep going and I know you will reach your goals!

  5. Thank you guys for the support! I truly appreciate it. It's inspiring to talk with and share this with others that are in the same boat.

    Courtney, stay firm! Stress is my trigger too ... well, stress, anxiety, sadness, happiness, joy ... you name it and it probably triggers my mouth to water and my tummy to rumble in anticipation of some bad goodies. I can tell you though, there's nothing like the feeling of success to stave off those cravings. Don't beat yourself up for the gain. Instead focus on the future and the upcoming loss. Charge ahead!

    We can ALL do this!


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