Boy, I feel like I make a day or two of headway and then get thrown back into the whirlwind of life and completely go off track. Why doesn't life just cooperate already? This is important to me and losing this weight needs to ... well ... it needs to just HAPPEN already!
Quite honestly, I'm afraid to even utter the words "starting again" as it implies I have to commit to this and quite honestly, I can not fail again. I will not fail again.
As of late, I've not had the best track record when I've gotten jazzed to lose the weight and thrown it out to the world that "I'm baaaaack!" so I'm refraining and instead saying to myself "let's just see how this goes".
Why was it so much easier before I knew what dieting really was about? Like now that I've done it, although I know I can be successful if I commit (problem #1), I also know how much work it is to get there and my brain is refusing to be tricked into this diet thing again.
But perhaps it's not about the trick as much as it is about the doing.
Regardless, I'm learning a lot about myself in this process. I'm learning that I still have a long way to go. No matter how much weight I lose, unless I focus on the REASONS why I gained my weight, I will never be able to keep it off. Focusing on and cleaning up the reasons ... well ... that's harder than losing the weight because life hasn't stopped to let me figure this all out. Instead it's picked up it's pace. I'm being drug along behind it right now and I need to get back on my feet to run this race.
I'm facing things I've buried or thought I'd dealt with. I'm also coming to terms with who I am vs who I want to be. I'm taking a long hard look at my soul in the mirror and adjusting accordingly.
I appreciate those of you that have checked in on the blog to see how I'm doing. I'm still here. I'm growing emotionally (as is my waistline but that will change soon enough). Some of that growing needs to be taken offline as I seriously doubt everyone in internet land wants to know the intimate details. I don't even want to know about them!
Anyway, I will be back and I will complete this weight loss journey. I plan to start weekly weigh ins again soon and will be blogging once I'm a week or so into the weight loss. I need to get my passion back, hold onto it, and then I will share it with all of you lucky people.
In the meantime, I hope you all are staying strong and losing! Your losing inspires me and right now I need that inspiration!