I even thought about not admitting it on my blog and just waiting to declare my weight until I was back where I was before. Like magically none of you faithful and oh-so-smart blog readers would pick up on the fact that I'd not mentioned my current weight and my weekly weight loss totals.
Deep down though, I know that won't work. I know you all will see right through that charade and at some point call me out on it. Or at least I hope you would. This is a weight loss journal ... ya'll wanna know about weight loss! That's why you're here, right?
That's why I'm here at least.
So, with much that and after much hesitation and a zillion feelings of guilt, frusteration, and sadness, I admit publicly that my weight on Thursday was 222.8. Yes, even me, a known math hater, can do this math. My lowest was 189.7 which means I've put back on 33.1 pounds.
No. I mean double ugh!
I'm working hard today to not let this get me down. My guilt over letting all my fellow bloggers and readers down as well as disappointment in myself for not being perfect seems overwhelming at the moment.
I've been wallowing in the "if I would have been strong in the first place, I'd have already made it to my goal by now" pit of self-pity since I stepped off the scale. Let me tell you, that's a very hard place to reside. It's the place where food calls your name through a blow horn. It's a place that feels out of control, sad, dark, depressing, and bottomless. It's a place that I've spent a large number of my days in the past and it's one I do not want to sink too much further in now.
So, as of this moment, I'm looking on the bright side.
- I recognized my backslide and knew I had the tools available to me to get out of it.
- I know how to do this weight loss program thing. I know the plan and know I just need to work it like I've never worked anything in my whole entire life. I CAN do this because I have done it!
- I have some kick-butt super cute clothes at home that will inspire me to get back down to my lowest AND hit my original goal. They are calling my name far louder than any darn doughnut!
Best of all, I'm happy to have great blog friends that support and welcome me back as well as an amazing group of ladies at The Healthy Weigh that are ready to stand behind me and help me walk down this path again.
Let's hit it!