Wednesday, June 30, 2010

A New Goal

Bad news from the doctor today ... I mean ... not devastating ... but somewhat hard to hear. I'm healing really well so on that front, I'm thankful.

So, what can the bad news be, you might ask?

Well, the doc said "no horse riding for another 6 weeks". Her actual statement was something along the lines of "You do know that we just took out an organ from your belly area, right? And you do know that you use your belly area to ride, right? So, yeah, um, NO! You can't ride for 6 weeks! End of discussion."

She then launched into some serenade about hernias and whatnot which frankly I wasn't listening too as I was still trying to consume the knowledge that for a loooooong while I wouldn't have horsey saddle time to soothe my soul.

Bummer.

For a gal that finds her soul, peace, and rest on the back of her horses, this was hard news to stomach (ha!). Add to that the fact that I live in the oh-so-rainy Northwest and the trail riding season is short and will be half over by the time I actually make it into a saddle ... and, well, you get one sad, forlorn cowgirl that's wishing she'd been able to plan the surgery at another time. Darn body.

I let myself wallow in this news for a bit because, as silly as this might sound, I needed to mourn the fact that my passion was being put on hold for a bit.

But then I got to thinking about it, adding all the dates in my head. Waiting 6 weeks to ride puts me squarely at August 6st. A Friday. A weekend.

Hmm .... so then my wheels started turning. What if I scheduled a horse camping trip for the first weekend in August to celebrate being back in the saddle? Not only that, but what if I picked a place I've always wanted to go but haven't yet? Like one of those places I always say "Wow, I'd really like to ride THERE!" And, this was the topper, what if I tied this trip to a weight loss reward? What if I lost 2 pounds per week for 5 weeks (that's average on plan)? Could I really be down 10 pounds and one size by then??? Oh boy! My riding jeans would fit again!

Hmm .... the wheels turning were not only making my ears smoke but were starting to change my mental state. I was actually getting quite excited. I could invite a friend or two even. Which horse would I take? What amazing horse campground would I pick? Wow, there's so much to look forward to!

In all this thinking and planning, somehow, I was able to turn bad news into a reward and therefore stellar news! I was rewarding myself for making wise and healthy choices both in my eating as well as in caring for my body post surgery.

So, welcome to my new goal.

By August 7th, I will be down 12 pounds and celebrating on the back of my faithful stead as we gallop down a gloriously wooded trail. I will feel confident, healthy, and light as I catch sunbeams. I will feel proud of myself for having made wise choices. I can just picture my horse Buttons (pictured on the right) and I running down a trail. The wind lifting her mane in rhythmic time to her hooves and me, sitting tall (well, I'll still be short but I'll be tall for a short person!) in the saddle with a perma grin, bugs in my teeth, sun on my face, wind in my hair, and all wrapped up in success.

This is a goal that gets my blood pumping and my motivation roaring louder than the cravings. This is the kind of goal I need and so thankful to have tucked in my back pocket right now.

Bring it 4th of July BBQ season! I see your burger and raise you a horse riding trip. Take that!

Success!

Sweet sweet sweeeeeeeet success is by far sweeter and more satisfying than any mini nerds or snickers or milky way bar. I know this, because I was successful yesterday and today I'm patting myself so hard on the back I might just make own darn self fall over.

Yesterday I was 100% fully committed and on plan all day .... yep, all day. By writing out my thoughts on the blog, I was able to say a shakey (albeit firm) "NO" to the candy temptation and came through the day with stellar success.

It was hard. A lot of my triggers showed up throughout the day yesterday; the candy dish in the afternoon, home alone most of the evening, and then a "disagreement" with TS when he got home. All of those things used to send me directly to the cupboards but each time I thought of reaching for food, I downed water instead and reiterated to myself that I had a goal, a purpose, and had made a decision to see this thing through which meant NOTHING was going to stop me.

As I said before, I feel that each time I'm able to pull through things like that, I get stronger and more committed. So today, I'm happy to report that I'm staring temptation in the face and telling it to take a hike!

With the 4th of July holiday on the horizon, I'm starting to think ahead as to how I will manage this and stay on plan. TS and I will be camping for two days with his family so I'll need to figure out foods I can eat whilst they are downing burgers, hotdogs, and smores (oooohhh! Smores!). I'm prepping now both mentally and physically as I do not want this weekend to be an excuse to backslide.

I see a lot of carrots, fruits, and string cheeses in my near future. I will not go off plan.

Did ya'll hear that? I WILL NOT GO OFF PLAN! Now that I've said it, I'm sure you all will hold me too it, right? :D

Tomorrow = weigh in day!

Tuesday, June 29, 2010

I do NOT need NERDS!

Yes, I already posted today but I need strength so I'm blogging, writing it out and trying to convince myself that I can pass up that darn candy dish.

Why are afternoons so hard? What is about the 2:00 pm time frame that pulls at my belly and brain?

This is something I must figure out. Cravings for me trigger most often in the early afternoon. Evenings are easier and generally if I can make it through the calling of the temptation in the afternoon, I can succeed through the rest of the day.

But around this time every day, I start thinking of the candy dish, vending machine, a coffee treat, or, truthfully, just anything to stuff in my face.

Today it's the nerds candies that are sitting in my friend's office candy dish. They rest beside the mini snickers and milky ways that also tempt me. I pass by them each time I visit my friend and today there's quite a bit of visiting because we're working on a project together.

I've been holding firm thus far in my ignoring of their temptation. It's been hard though as this candy dish used to be a friend of mine many times during the day. It was second nature to go into her office and nab a couple pieces of candy while we chatted. It wasn't even a thought to do it or not to do it. I just did it.

Earlier today, I actually found myself with a strawberry nerds box in my hand, had my fingernail poised to slice through the cardboard top so that I could devour them, when I realized what I was doing and said aloud "no nerds today!" and shoved them back into the candy dish. My friend chuckled, reached around me, and grabbed a snickers. Yeah, she's not much help.

It's not her responsibility to help me say no though so I don't fault her. It's my job to stay firm on this plan. It's me that has to weigh in on Thursday and see the results of my efforts today.

Although one mini package of nerds might not pack a wallop of calories, let's be honest here, it's never just ONE package that I consume.

I swear, sugar is my gateway drug. One devouring of a package of nerds candies leads to three more mini packages of nerd candies, plus a snickers mini and perhaps just one teeny tiny milky way, plus another package of melba snacks, plus mac & cheese for dinner, plus ... well, you get the idea. I derail once, I derail twice, I derail for the rest of the day.

Why do that to myself? When I derail, I feel like poop both mentally and physically. I don't like myself for giving into something so silly and giving up control of my own will. I don't like how fat I feel especially when I try to put on my pants that are still too tight. And, come weigh in on Thursday, I'm disappointed, discouraged, unhappy, and miserable.

The instant gratification of the nerds is never lasting and quickly, very quickly, gives way to awful feelings and the avalanche of dirty eating and thinking that follows.

On the other hand, sticking to plan makes me feel powerful, confident, encouraged, sexy (oh yeah baby!!) and accomplished. Each time I successfully stay on plan, I feel that I've won part of my weight battle and it gets easier and easier to stay focused and successful. It's these initial temptations I need to kick in the teeth and tap out.

Strictly focused on the short term, aren't those good feelings I just described so much better than a package of nerds?

Yes, yes they are.

What would happen if I 100% adhered to my diet with absolutely no (none, zilch, nada) "extras" for a day? A week? A month? How much better would my clothes fit in such a short period of time? How much better would I feel about myself physically and mentally? Would my afternoon cravings subside? Hmmm....

I know the answer because it's what I did when I was dropping weight left and right. Literally. It was melting off my body because I didn't let momentary temptation derail my long term goal and therefore, I succeeded.

Oh wow ... Tada! Seriously, I've convinced myself out of a nerds craving!!! Nasty nerds! Be gone with you! I am stronger than those pesky sour candies. I've proven that already and I've just tapped into that strength to see me through.

Thank you for listening to my afternoon ramble. I feel empowered having made the decision to write this out instead of indulging in a silly craving.

With that, I'm off to fill my water bottle and have a scrumptious, crisp fuji apple followed by a handful of squishy, fresh, organic blueberries.

Oh, I've got a feeling this Thursday weigh-in is going to be gooooooooooood!!!!

Hungery? Me? Oh no!

I'm not a person that likes to be hungry. I know that's probably a common tidbit amongst most people but, in fact, I will avoid it all costs. I'll down massive amounts of water to stave off the disaster of a hunger pain or ... if it gets too bad ... I'll give into the pain and munch down a treat or two ... or three ... or four .... I hardly ever even let my hunger get to the hunger pain stage. If I feel that it "might" happen, I'll try to jump ahead of it in a panic.

This has to be psychological. I've never been without food at any time in my life so I'm guessing this has little to do with starvation and much more to do with my own tantrum of being told no.

I say no to myself and suddenly I feel deprived. I panic. My brain screams like a wild child in the grocery store and my no soon turns into a food obsession. Once it gets to the obsession point, I feel I've lost the battle and that's when the snickers, donuts, pizza, or other calorie derailments pass through my then quivering lips.

I'm having a hard time turning that part of my brain off these days. I keep giving into it which makes it even harder to stick with it the next time.

To be honest, I'm not quite sure how to get around this little issue. I'm attempting to talk myself out of it by using the rationale of how crappy I feel when I go off plan vs when I'm losing the weight. I'm trying to convince my brain that I will not shrivel up in a ball, go into convulsions, and immediately die if I pass by the candy dish without dipping my hand in for a treat.

Perhaps this isn't a time when I need to convince myself though. Perhaps this is a time when I need to just say no and then stick with it. My brain can kick, scream, writhe around and throw a pity party all it wants, but my stick-to-it-ness will eventually see me through to a drop in weight and another shot of motivation. Hmmm .... interesting concept. I'm going to attempt to stop talking with myself about this and instead truly commit to the decision of losing the weight which means, that no rationale or discussion is needed. I'm on a plan. I will stick with it. End of story.

Take that brain!

On other news, I'm up slightly to 224 today. Not too bad considering my surgery still has me quite bloated and distended.

Armed with my new mentality, I'm looking forward to a good drop on Thursday.

Monday, June 28, 2010

Post Surgery, Back At It

Wow. Surgery. Yeah. Um. Going into surgery, I was oblivious as to how my body would handle things and how much time I'd truly need to recoup. I thought I'd go under the knife, wake up, have a day or two of down time, and then be back in tip top shape. In fact, I was telling everyone that after a Friday surgery, I'd be back to work full time on Monday.

Not so much.

Last week I spent most of my time sleeping. I would do a bit of something and then need a nap. I couldn't even get myself off the couch without assistance for a couple days. My stomach muscles rebelled against the incisions and were not happy with me for slicing them open. They protested and whined ... a lot!

This week is better but I'm still taking it easy. I have four incisions and I'm supposed to be letting them thoroughly heal before attempting anything that will put over 15 pounds of pressure on those areas. I guess hernias are quite common for people that don't take it easy after this surgery. Since that sounds completely horrible to me, I'm listening to the doc even though it means I'm unable to ride my horses for another five weeks. Sniff, sniff.

I can start walking again this week though. My body won't make it the full four miles I was doing at lunch so instead, I'm gearing up for a couple miles at a brisk but manageable pace to get geared back up for the haul-butt wogging I was doing before the surgery.

I didn't do too badly on my eating. There was a night of pizza to test out the removed gallbladder functionality but other than that, I was pretty much on-plan.

My boyfriend did the cooking though so I'm sure there were extras (oil, butter, etc.) thrown in that I wasn't paying attention to. Frankly, I'm not worrying about it. It was nice to have someone take care of me and I couldn't have cared less what I was consuming in between my naps. I do remember quite a few salads .... but it's all a bit hazy on the particulars.

Anyway, tomorrow I weigh in and this week I'm getting meticulous about my diet yet again. I have a feeling the scale will be up as I'm still quite bloated and swollen from the surgery. That's temporary though so I'm prepping myself mentally to stay focused regardless of the numbers tomorrow.

All in all, I feel like good things are on the dieting horizon and I'm anxious to find out what they are!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

Numbers Update

Well, all that work this week paid off with only two pounds lost today. Given my pound gain on Tuesday, that means I'm down a pound for the week.

Whaaaaat?

Come on darn body, work this thing out!

I was severely disappointed when I weighed in at THW this morning because my home scale said I was 209 ... but THW scale said 221. Wowza. Bummer. That's what I get for purchasing a dinky "on sale" scale! I think it's time to invest in a nice one, don't you think?

Regardless, I'm hoping that my anxiety over the impending gall bladder surgery (which is tomorrow), is forcing my body to hold the weight. I know stress and anxiety can make people hold weight instead of dropping. So, next week, when the stress is over, I should drop like crazy. I'm hoping ... I need to drop like crazy. I need one big drop to kick this into high gear.

In the meantime, I'm working the program and taking care of myself knowing that my surgery and the recovery is priority right now.

To be honest, I'm not really sure how the whole surgery thing will work with my diet. Although I don't want to use the surgery as an excuse to eat poorly, I also know I'll need a bit more calories in order to help my body heal. I need to remind myself that the extra calories I need in order to heal are going to come from protein and not from starch and sugar.

Luckily, if all goes according to plan, this will be a day surgery so I'll be set at home with all my own healthy foods to consume for the weekend instead of in the hospital downing their idea of healthy food.

As an aside, have any of you seen the unhealthy food they put out at the hospital? Shocking really. Their nutritionists should be ashamed. I swear hospital cafeteria food is as bad as fast food. Amazing. Ok, my rant is over.

Anyway, I'm prepping for my home recovery by scheduling in a little shopping trip to pick up fresh fruits, veggies, and meats. Then, I'll be cooking it up so I can literally grab food out of the fridge, consume, and go back to sleep.

I'm planning to succeed instead of using this as an excuse to fall from my diet plan.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Writing it down. Working it out.

Writing down my food is a hard thing to get back in the habit of doing. I'm being meticulous about it though. I know it's odd, but each time I make a mark on the paper, it becomes real. Somehow, I'm more accountable.

Yesterday I was tempted with a few extra starches. I wanted those extra melba snacks sooooo badly. They were talking with me, begging me to consume their salty goodness. I even reached for them. But out of the corner of my eye I saw my food journal and stopped myself. Did I REALLY want to write down that I'd had more melba snacks? Did I REALLY want to admit that I'd been over my calories for the day? Nope. I didn't.

It's easy to forget what we eat when we don't write it down. Out of sight out of mind is really true when it comes to food and consumption.

When I was most successful on plan, I wrote down every single thing that passed through my lips. I even wrote down the off plan foods when and if they crept into my life. Writing those down and identifying them helped me understand why I ate when and how I did. It actually kept me on plan more often than not. This time is no different and I'm back to making my food journal my best friend and daily companion.

I like what THW put on the front of their food journals about people being twice as likely to lose weight and keep it off when they write down their foods. I believe that because it worked for me. It's such a simple thing to do and yet it's also something pretty simple not to do. If it works though, and it's painless, why don't we all do it all the time?

Accountability. It's a powerful thing.

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Sodium. 'Nuff Said.

Ugh. Up a pound today. How, you might ask? I can only attribute it to the massive amounts of water I drank yesterday coupled with the massive amounts of sodium I consumed without knowing it.

Evidently, sodium runs rampant in most products I enjoy such as soy based proteins and deli meat.

According to the Mayo Clinic, a healthy adult should have no more than 2,300 mg of sodium per day. Everyone else (including middle aged peeps and those of us dieting, meaning me) should consume less than 1,500 mg per day.

They also say:

The bottom line? Avoid products with more than 200 mg of sodium per serving. And check the Nutrition Facts label closely for the serving size — and consider how many servings you actually eat.

Hmmm... ok.

This little tidbit drove me to pull out the packaged deli meat I'd bought for lunches. 1520 mg in one serving! Holy snikees! That's my entire day's worth of sodium in one entree!

Bummer.

But at least it's an answer to the non-weight-loss question.

As much as I love salt (and sugar and carbs and ...) ... it's just not worth the extra poundage right now. So the deli meat is out of my lunch box and the cottage cheese is back in.

By Thursday the sodium will have left my body and I full expect a good drop in weight.

Despite the gain, I'm still focused and determined today. I feel strong and healthy again. I'm making wise food choices and that makes me feel powerful.

Thursday is going to be a gooooood day!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Monday Morning Madness

I'm fighting with myself today.

I was decently on plan over the weekend. I did indulge in one small campfire 'smore while camping but ... I'm not beating myself up over that as frankly, I'd turned down far worse through the rest of the weekend (chips & salsa, hotdogs, burgers, sodas, pancakes, peanut butter, donuts, etc. etc. etc.). Each meal was literally a struggle that I fought and won.

Here's my issue though.

I have no (zero zilch nada) patience. So, when I woke up this morning, my first thought was "Wuhoo! Three days on plan! Bet I've lost enough weight to fit into my capris". Thus, I pulled my capris off my "will wear someday soon pile" and tried to slip them on. They fit exactly like they did before. Tight. Uncomfortable. Muffin top pokin' out. Unacceptable. Ugh!

That's discouraging. Somehow, I felt that the weight needed to come off at the same rate at which I'd struggled through the weekend. Since I'd had to say no to almost EVERY ONE of my food triggers in one single weekend, it's only logical that my body would have shed more weight, right? Although not realistic, I felt that struggle in and of itself would burn those calories off my body.

As we know, that's not how it works.

So, for a gal that's motivated by results, today, I'm not feeling that motivated. The only difference I'm noticing is my grumbling tummy and with that, I'm struggling to hang on and charge forward.

A pound or two might be gone, but I have more than a pound or two to lose before I fit back in those capris. I have 22 pounds and even more than that before I'm at my final goal weight. That's a whole bunch of weekends of saying no and staying focused.

My weigh in is tomorrow. I'm nervous even though I know I did good on plan. I'm worried that if I don't see the results I think I need (god only knows what that is), I won't stick with this. And I need to stick with this.

So, today I'm reminding myself of what Letha says about staying focused and motivated.

Motivation is in the doing. It's the routine. It's the planning. And it's in the results that I know will come eventually. I need to remember that I can do this. By saying no to unhealthy foods, I'm saying yes to a better life. I would rather be thin and feel good about myself than fat and eating those greasy, sugary foods. So, this work I'm doing now, will pay off by getting me to my goal.

Today, it's all about setting a small goal and rewarding myself accordingly so that I don't focus too much on the total I have to lose and get overwhelmed. It's also about getting my stinkin' thinkin' in check so that I don't sabotage myself. I want to pass this hurdle and keep on this path. I, more than anything, want to reach goal.

Yes, more than anything, I want to lose this weight!

Friday, June 11, 2010

I don't want to admit this ...

.... but my weight is up even more than I thought it was going to be.

I even thought about not admitting it on my blog and just waiting to declare my weight until I was back where I was before. Like magically none of you faithful and oh-so-smart blog readers would pick up on the fact that I'd not mentioned my current weight and my weekly weight loss totals.

Deep down though, I know that won't work. I know you all will see right through that charade and at some point call me out on it. Or at least I hope you would. This is a weight loss journal ... ya'll wanna know about weight loss! That's why you're here, right?

That's why I'm here at least.

So, with much that and after much hesitation and a zillion feelings of guilt, frusteration, and sadness, I admit publicly that my weight on Thursday was 222.8. Yes, even me, a known math hater, can do this math. My lowest was 189.7 which means I've put back on 33.1 pounds.

Ugh.

No. I mean double ugh!

I'm working hard today to not let this get me down. My guilt over letting all my fellow bloggers and readers down as well as disappointment in myself for not being perfect seems overwhelming at the moment.

I've been wallowing in the "if I would have been strong in the first place, I'd have already made it to my goal by now" pit of self-pity since I stepped off the scale. Let me tell you, that's a very hard place to reside. It's the place where food calls your name through a blow horn. It's a place that feels out of control, sad, dark, depressing, and bottomless. It's a place that I've spent a large number of my days in the past and it's one I do not want to sink too much further in now.

So, as of this moment, I'm looking on the bright side.
  1. I recognized my backslide and knew I had the tools available to me to get out of it.
  2. I know how to do this weight loss program thing. I know the plan and know I just need to work it like I've never worked anything in my whole entire life. I CAN do this because I have done it!
  3. I have some kick-butt super cute clothes at home that will inspire me to get back down to my lowest AND hit my original goal. They are calling my name far louder than any darn doughnut!
It's hard to admit the reality of the situation but I'm thankful for all the afore mentioned things.

Best of all, I'm happy to have great blog friends that support and welcome me back as well as an amazing group of ladies at The Healthy Weigh that are ready to stand behind me and help me walk down this path again.

Let's hit it!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Friday Doughnut DO-NOT!

Time to prep for my Friday Doughnut DO-NOT!

I think I've mentioned before that at my new job every Friday there are a smattering super tasty, fatty doughnuts just sitting on the break room table tempting me with their sugary smell and doughy sweetness. The array is amazing and I'm pretty sure even the most hardened sugar-hater would be tempted by the spread. I'm not a sugar lover and yet, because I can't have them, I want them even more.

I would completely avoid the break room on Friday's but the water thingy is in there and I must go in to refill my water bottle. That means that multiple times in the day, I'll be practicing my doughnut DO-NOT!

The last couple weeks, I've given in whether just a "few" bites or a whole doughnut. Yes, I know and hate to admit it but even the threat of a gall bladder attack hasn't dissuaded me ... hence why I'm back up in my numbers and facing surgery.

Moving forward though and on a more positive note, when I make it through this Friday without indulging, I'll be rewarding myself with a manicure. The reward of a manicure and spiffy nails might just be enough to keep me from going into the sugary darkness and instead stay focused on the light of weight loss.

In addition to looking forward to some serious reward pampering, I'm also prepping myself mentally so that when I need to say "no" tomorrow, I can do it without any hesitation.

My chant has become "Doughnut DO-NOT!" and I'm shouting it in my own head over and over and over today. Thus, I know, tomorrow I WILL succeed!

DOUGHNUT DO-NOT!!!!

Wednesday, June 9, 2010

Gall Bladders, Stretch Marks, and Weight Loss

I wish someone would have shaken my shoulders, looked deep into my eyes and told me exactly what was going to happen to my body as I got older and fatter. I don't even remember a doctor being honest with me other than to say that I was "overweight" and should do "something" about that and blah blah blah diabetes blah blah blah fat blah blah blah exercise.

Ok so perhaps doctors might have said a thing or two now and then. To be honest, I didn't go to the doc because I didn't want to hear what they had to say about my weight. The times I did go were uncomfortable so eventually I just stopped going.

I liked to live my life in a big bubble of peace and pizza.

Outside of the doctors office though, I think that as a society we tippy-toe around overweight people because we don't want them to feel even worse about themselves. While I agree that there's no reason to degrade, insult, or treat them with disrespect, I don't think we need to cater to their addiction. Are we, as a society, making being fat too acceptable and comfortable?

If life would have been more uncomfortable for me, would I have made changes sooner?

I don't know. I'd like to think I would have although, now that I'm writing this, I'm somewhat changing my mind.

As a fat girl, life was uncomfortable. I was embarrassed each time I shopped at Lane Bryant. Each time someone asked me where I got my shirt, I wanted to cringe because I didn't want them to know I shopped at the "fat store". I didn't fit in airplane seats, car seats, or any seats for that matter. Yeah, that was uncomfortable physically because my butt cheeks just wouldn't or couldn't squeeze together enough to fit in the seat but also uncomfortable mentally because it was a poke in my peace pizza bubble. Being told I couldn't join the mounted search and rescue horse group because I couldn't get up and down off my horse ... yeah ... uncomfortable. Life wasn't good. It was hard.

I just didn't let it sink in how hard or uncomfortable it as and that all that hardness ... all that uncomfortable-ness ... that was all brought on by my addiction. It wasn't Boeing's fault for designing seats for skinny peeps. It wasn't the mounted patrol captain being a jerk that kept me from the group. It was me. My weight. My actions. And my inability to control my own addiction.

There are marks on my body that are reminders of my past head-in-the-hole-ness. I have a lot of weight stretch marks. They are reminders of the choice I made to be fat and now that choice I'm making to be healthy.

Next week I'll have gall bladder surgery which will leave me with a series of small scars (very small) that will be additional weight war wounds.

I'm not sure how to deal with these marks and scars yet. Part of me is annoyed with myself for ever even getting to the point of having them and that's the part that wants to revert back to blaming everyone else for them.

"If someone would have told me I'd have stretch marks and need gall bladder surgery, I would have dieted way sooner."

Hmm... ok so I'm pretty sure I heard it at some point, somewhere, somehow and I'm pretty sure it was my choice to disregard that information whilst cramming more food into my mouth.

The other part of me is thankful for the reminders of where I've come from. I'm using them to remind me to make wise choices. These are small warnings and I'm thankful that my risky eating behavior didn't leave me with far worse issues especially considering my family history of heart disease and diabetes. Stretch marks and gall bladder attacks pale in comparison to the worse case scenario.

These small reminders might be unsightly, but I'll take them. They tell the story of who I was and who I won't be ever again.

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

2 Months of Inactivity

Here I am, dipping my toe back into the weight loss waters after 2-months of inactivity.

Well, ok, truthfully, there's been activity, just not in the right direction. I'm back up more than I'd like to admit and for whatever reason, I can not get my silly brain to commit and get 'er done! I've analyzed, phsychoanalyzed, discussed, pondered, journaled, thunk, complained, and just generally petered about on the topic for the last 2 months and I still can't solve the problem.

So, it's time for all of that afore mentioned nonsense to quit and for action to start.

My weekly weigh ins will start again on Thursday. My diet starts today though. I've carefully packed my lunch. Planned out my salad dinner. And am ready to start this again.

I want to be fit and trim this summer. I want to feel healthy, in control, and positive about my life. I want to fit into my cute clothes and feel good in them. I want to be proud of who I am again and feel confident when I walk into a room.

I had a lot of guilt about putting some poundage back on but I will not let that stop me from charging forward. I know how to do this and now I will.

Guilt be gone!

And with it, the pounds are welcome to exit the body as well.

Off we go .....