Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Let's Roll

Why is it that picking back up the dieting thing is harder than it was to start in the first place?

When I started out, I wasn't exactly giddy about the diet thing ... but I was committed. I had made a decision and cut myself off from any other possibility. It was a done deal. No if's and's or but's about it.

But lately, ok for like months, that's not been the case. And this sad fact was reflected back at me on the scale this morning when I trudged my butt back into The Healthy Weigh to get back on plan. I'm up to 204.

Yes, that's right, I'm out of one-derland.

I knew when I went in this morning that I'd be up quite a bit. I haven't been dedicated to staying on plan and even though my gall bladder has been screaming at me to stick with it and stay healthy, my brain has been screaming louder and obviously sometimes it's winning out.

So pizza, cake, pie, beer, wine, candy, etc. etc. etc. have all reappeared back into my life.

It's such a silly cycle and I recognize it each time it's about to start. I crave something. I tell myself no. I crave it more. I keep saying no. My brain throws an intense tantrum and in the end I give in. After giving in though, I feel worse. I feel like a failure. I feel fat. I feel worthless.

So why can't I seem to remember all those things and just stick with my no?

Because I was making a choice not to. For whatever reason, I've not wanted to follow through on this journey.

That's changing today and is reflected in my decision to step back on the scale.

Going into The Healthy Weigh and facing the scale was a hard thing. I've been psyching myself up about it for about a week. A lot of self-talk has gone on so that I could calm my nerves and walk through those doors. I knew the scale would be up and I was prepared to tackle whatever number appeared.

I'm choosing not to view this as a failure or a set back but a continuation of the journey. Thank goodness I'm catching my backslide now instead of 20, 10, or even 2 pounds from now.

I'm returning to the core of the program and what was successful for me when I started. I'm back to blogging, writing down my food, working out (including daily walks), and recommitting to this journey.

When I blogged faithfully, it helped me stay on track. I was accountable and I need that in order to stay focused so I'm counting on all of you to help me along. The support and encouragement I get from the blog is amazingly helpful and I so appreciate you all for that.

So, I'm looking forward to reconnecting with all my blogging buddies again and booting off this weight along with you.

Recommitting is hard, but it can be tremendously rewarding when it's successful. Nothing good ever came easy, right?

So ... are you ready to roll again with me?

Here we go!

6 comments:

  1. Welcome back Wendy and I hope you stay awhile :-)

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  2. Right there with you! Permanent change is hard. It's so... permanent. Good for you for recommitting to what's important to you.

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  3. Lots of luck getting refocused. I've gained a little too (about the same amount as you) and am also recommitting and adding some new tricks (like joining a gym and getting a personal trainer). Lots of luck to both of us! Grats on not letting it slip farther.

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  4. Wendy,

    Good luck to you! I've been in the same situation as you the last few months. I've been on and off the wagon for the past few months. Mostly off. Can you tell me more about The Healthy Weigh? What's the structure of it? I live in Vancouver and feel like I need some more support and accountability in my journey. Thanks! You can email me at laurie.vanalstyne {at} gmail {dot} com

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  5. You can do it! We will battle with food and our unhealthy habits all the days of our lives, but we CAN win the war, right? :)

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  6. Thank you everyone! I'm so thankful to have great blog supporters and readers!

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Thanks for dropping me a note!