Friday, October 30, 2009

Crossfit Challenge - Am I crazy?

I'm all about the attempted motivation these days. Where do I find it? How do I keep going? How do I challenge myself to complete the journey?

One of the things I've really taken solace in is my crossfit workouts. I love them. Oh, boy. That was strong terminology.

Truthfully I hate them but I love them all at the same time. It's hard to get to the class and it's even harder to complete the workouts. But, what I love and why I keep doing it, is that I am seeing changes in my body shape and I'm actually getting better and better at the various activities.

Keeping all of this in mind, when my trainer suggested I participate in a Crossfit Challenge ... (please be sitting down for this next little announcement) .... I actually accepted!

Shocking.

Shocking because I would never ever ever (ever ever) have walked into any kind of gym at 300 pounds let alone agreed to participate in a challenge with a lot of people I didn't know. Really? Me? Be sweaty and potentially unable to complete an exercise in front of others? Really? No freakin' way. I liked to hide. I did it well.

Yet here I am all signed up with the check successfully in the mail to get me confirmed. I'm doing it.

I'm on a mission. I'm on a mission to work my little (or soon to be little) hinny off so that I can do well at this challenge. I have no expectation that I'll win but I'd like at the very least not to embarrass the begeezers outta myself in front of oodles of other crossfitters.

I am setting the expectation that I'll be doing my own personal best that day. No matter the activity, I'll give it 110% and I'll come away from the challenge feeling fit, strong, and accomplished.

With that, it's time to hit the gym!

Thursday, October 29, 2009

Let's Get Real

Ok blogger buddies. It's time to get real. Time to open up and pour out so that I can officially move on.

I've been avoiding my blog. Obviously. I mean, like I can't even pretend to hide that little tidbit because ... well ... if I'm not writing ... I'm obviously avoiding. Obviously.

The reason for the avoidance? I'm just not into the whole diet thing these days. I'm tired, bored, unenthusiastic and those horrible negative self tapes are running rampant through my brain. The thing is that over the last couple weeks I've been letting them win instead of booting them out the door.

Honestly, I'm not sure why but I can't seem to put them behind me. I hit my year mark and 30 pounds left to lose and suddenly the world stopped. Literally. Did you feel it? Ok, ok so perhaps just my world stopped.

Let me tell you though, those negative self-tapes are destructive. I'm hearing things like "even if I lose this weight, I'll never be beautiful so why bother finishing this?" and "even if I lose this last 30 pounds, that doesn't mean I'll be successful at keeping it off, so why even bother?" and "just one teeny tiny piece of candy won't hurt me" followed by "well, I already cheated today so why even bother the rest of the day?".

Oh boy. See the trend?

With all of this turmoil, I've not really been gaining. In fact, through all this wishywashyness I've actually done quite a good job of maintaining. Up just a little. Down just a little. But sticking pretty close to where I have been over the last month or two.

And even though I know why I'm not losing, I'm depressed by the fact that I'm not. What a catch-22! I'm sabotaging myself and yet I'm annoyed with the fact that I'm not losing. Oh goodness. What a vicious cycle this whole weight thing is.

At the moment, I'm not 100% sure how to bring myself back in line. I'm working on it each day and I'm hoping that by being honest in my blog, I'll be better able to push through. I'm waking up with renewed energy and focus, writing down my foods, keeping up on my workout routine, and setting goals for myself at each turn.

I realize that I need to see this through and that if I can manage through this low, I'll come out stronger and more capable than before.

It's a matter of doing and persevering.

Head down. Nose to the grindstone. Focus. Determination.

I'm repeating that to myself over and over these days in hopes it brings me the resolve that I need to complete this journey.

Tuesday, October 20, 2009

Melba Moments

Hi, my name is Wendy and I'm a starch-aholic.

I freely admit that if it's made of flour, wheat, dough, or some other such thing I'll most likely love it. Cover it in cheese and I'll probably battle you for it.

Before I started this diet, every meal consisted of large amounts of starch. Starch, and cheese, were my staples. I'd have cereal and toast for breakfast followed by spaghetti or mac & cheese for lunch. Dinner was pizza. That was the routine.

I think that was largely due to the fact that I grew up a vegetarian and therefore didn't truly learn to consume proper amounts of protein. In our house, we substituted the starch for the protein.

But that's all in the past. I now limit my starch intake to two servings per day while increasing the protein that my body craves.

The problem is, my mind still craves the starch!

My issue of late has been with melba snacks. I know. I know. Sad really. It's a sign of a true dieter when someone says they're craving melba snacks.

Regardless, that's been my issue. 7 crackers are a serving. 7 ... teeny ... tiny ... crackers. 1 serving.

Torture.

I think melba snacks should come with a label: "Dieters BEWARE! No one can eat just one."
As a starch lover and dieter, there is something so divine about a crispy cracker. I eat them and I tend to forget how many I've already had. So, naturally, I just keep eating them!
Since I'm really trying to battle off my last 30 pounds, I can not continue to let starch derail my progress.
So, my solution is to practice self control. I'm still buying the melba snacks but as soon as I get them home, I'm dividing them into baggies each with one serving. I'm putting into practice my own form of portion control.
And it's working.
I'm happy to report that this week I'm keeping my starch intake directly at 2 servings per day. Granted, it's only Tuesday, but hey, for a reformed starch-aholic, this is progress and therefore is cause for celebration!

Monday, October 19, 2009

Where is Wendy?

Hey, everyone, just a quick post today to let you know I haven't completely forgotten about my blogging duties. Life got a little hectic last week and then I got sick (yucky) so I didn't do much of anything.

I'm back on top of things this week and will have lots to write about in the next couple days.

As an aside, I took last week off from my workouts too so I'm nervous that the scale will not be kind to me. Being sick, not getting all my water, not keeping up the workouts ... hmmmm... not sure how this will play out. I'm so thankful though that now I'm back on target for the week. I plan to wog with Carrie at noon and then will be hitting the gym almost every day this week. I see some sore muscles in my future.

In the meantime, I hope all my blogging buddies are doing great!

Thursday, October 8, 2009

A Picture A Day

My trainer, Madison, has a great idea that I thought would be kinda fun to share here for the rest of my dieting buddies. She suggested that we not only write down our food, but actually take a photo of it as well.

We all (or at least we're supposed to) be writing down our food intake throughout the day to keep ourselves on track. In fact, that's the challenge this week for THW's Team Challenge .... complete our food journals and bring them in for a chance to win something cool.

So I thought Madison's idea of a food photo-log was a neat one. Somehow, it makes it seem so much more real to see a picture of the foods and quantities I eat. My camera phone would certainly do the trick. I could snap a quick picture and catalog my intake as well as write it all down.

Hmmm.... would taking a picture of the meal make me prepare it differently? I know I'd be a lot more concerned about preparation and serving. I'd use my nice dishes, put out a placement, and maybe even break out a REAL cloth napkin because ... well ... someone at some point in the distant future might actually see those pictures and I certainly wouldn't want them to think I was sloppy in my food displaymanship!

The reality is that I should be making mealtime about more than just the food and doing all those things anyway. There's something special about eating on nice dishes and using a frilly napkin. Silly, but come on, it's true. Eating should be about the prep, the process, and the enjoyment of a healthy tidbit. Using nice dishes and napkins should be the norm and not just the exception 'cause "someone might be watching".

Hmmm... the thought of a food photo journal is inspiring and gets me motivated to step it up a notch.

Perhaps you will all now be seeing pictures of my food intake ... hmmm.... that would definitely mean I'd been stepping it up a notch!

In the meantime, I encourage you to do the same. Snap a couple shots and email them to me so that I can post here for our readers. We're dieting but we're still eating good too, right? Let's show it off!

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Eating Out ~ The Food You Need is In the Kitchen

I really liked last night's episode of the Biggest Loser. Did everyone catch it?

The teams had to order all their food for the week from restaurants. Boy oh boy! That's tough! The good news, almost all the teams still lost weight.

I thought it was pretty cool when Jillian and Bob took the team out to Mexican food and then talked with them about how to place an order, what to look for, and how to send food back when/if it isn't correct.

Isn't it funny though that we're afraid to do those kinds of things? Order off menu? Really? We can do that? Send food back? Uh-oh. What if the cook gets offended? I just couldn't ...

It's so funny though. We're buying the food. We're shelling out money for it and therefore we should be getting what we want. So send it back! Butter added to your broccoli? Send it back! Salad dressing not on the side? Send it back!

Ages ago, Letha said to me "the food you need is in the kitchen" and that's stuck with me each time I go out to eat. Almost every restaurant has grilled chicken and lettuce. Worst case scenario, I get a grilled chicken salad. If it's not on the menu, ask for it! Chances are they'll whip it up for you because ultimately they want you to enjoy your meal. They want a tip or a return customer and generally will do what it takes to make that happen.

Although I do try to steer clear of restaurants for the most part (added salt and temptation), I have been known to go occasionally with friends. I used to have a hard time ordering off menu, making changes to the food choices, and/or sending stuff back. But I've realized that I can no longer worry if I'm offending the staff at a restaurant and must make myself a priority and to do that, I need to order healthy, good meals.


Tuesday, October 6, 2009

Planning Ahead

Sunday was a great day. I cooked. I cooked from the time I got up, until the time I went to bed and because I did that, I now have all my meals prepared for the week. Well, most of my meals anyway. I have prepared chicken, hard boiled eggs, meatloaf, pumpkin custard, etc. and with all that sitting in my fridge, it makes me happy.

There's something oddly pleasing about a full fridge. In fact, I don't know why, but when my fridge is empty, I seem to want to eat more. Weird I know but understanding this about myself, I try to keep the fridge well stocked with healthy options. It's been vital to me keeping on track.

This week though, I'm taking it to the next level by preparing most of my meals in advance. It's been great to open the fridge and instead of pondering what I'll bring, to work or have for dinner I just lift out a container, stick it out in the lunchbox and hit the road.

I don't think I'll have the luxury to cook all day every Sunday. I do however plan to add a bit of cooking time into my Sunday routine. Having even just a few staples (grilled chicken for instance) in the fridge and ready to go is a huge time saver ... and belly saver ... in the long run!

Monday, October 5, 2009

The Thing Never to Say to the Trainer

I decided to torture myself with continuing the 1:1 training sessions with my Teeny Tiny Trainer, Madison.

She's great. She really is. I've been known to cuss her a little-tiny-smidgy-bit while in the gym as sweat pouring from every orifice of my body and I'm about ready to collapse, but give me 10 mins and some water and I'll tell you that she's awesome.

On Wednesday though, I think it would have taken more than 10 mins and some water for me to come back around to liking her.

She was having me practice back squats, box jumps, and rowing. Did I happen to mention that one of my least fav exercises is rowing? Ok, so truthfully, I'm not like a fan of any of the exercises .. but rowing is particularlly horrible. I know it's one of those exercises that does a lot of good for the body but man ... it's a killer! 500m x 3 coupled with the other exercises was about enough to put me into cardiac arrest. And of course, knowing this, Madison pushed me harder to get on it and get it over with.

In my last set of rowing, I was pooped. My body was saying "no" and my brain was caving into the resistance my body was publicizing.

Madison was pushing me to keep the pace up and finish strong. She was saying things like "you've got this, Wendy", "you can do this", "keep the pace below 2:00", etc.

Upon her last utterance, my brain let the following words escape from my mouth .. unfiltered ... "I can't."

The repercussions of this pronouncement were not to be known until after I had (and I must add successfully) pushed through my final set of rowing.

That's when Madison so nicely told me that for saying "I can't" aloud in a workout, I would need to do man-makers.

Now, as an aside, I want to know who in the world names these exercises. Man-makers? Burpees? Thursters? Really? I mean, come on.

Anyway, man-makers are an exercise that no women should want or need to do ... ever. They suck. They suck a lot.

The only thing I was thinking though as I was pouring sweat and shaking to complete the exercise was, I will never say I can't again.

Lesson learned.

It's a good lesson to apply to all parts of my weight loss life though. As I've said before, it's a mental game and when the brain starts to push forward the "I can't", that's what becomes reality. By instead thinking "I will" I can turn that around. It's how I got through my final set of rowing. I was bombarded with the "I can't's" and at one point decided that turn that around to the ".... but I will's".

That's the key. I will.

I will do this.
I will succeed.
I will conquer.
I will, without a shadow of a doubt, work my butt off in the gym and stick with my diet plan.

I will accomplish this goal.

Friday, October 2, 2009

Congratulations!

Two of my good friends reached milestones in their weight loss this week and I want to take a minute to congratulate them both on their amazing successes.

Carrie, my wogging partner, has dropped 22 pounds and is half way through her goal of losing 40. She's been dedicated, motivated, and inspired to stay on target and get this weight off. And, she's looking amazing as a result! Selfishly speaking, I'm so thankful that she's on this journey because her success inspires me to continue on my own road. We both have about the same amount to lose now and I'm excited to complete this journey with her. Wog on, my friend!

Courtney, another good friend and horsey buddy, lost 100 pounds as of Thursday. That's a huge accomplishment and I'm so proud of her! She's competing in the Team Challenge too and I have a feeling she's going to be kicking my butt! In fact, this week she and her hubby were one of the top two biggest losers. She's motivated and doing all she can to stay on target. It's inspiring and awesome to see such progress.

I think it's so important to celebrate the successes of others. Plus, celebrating the successes keeps me inspired too. After all, if others can do this, so can I, right?

Congratulations, my friends! I'm proud, inspired, and motivated by you today!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

Motivational Video

This video has been going around Facebook lately and I wanted to take a second to post it here as well in hopes you will find some motivation in it.

It's amazing to think of these people as "failures" before they were so successful. Kind of puts things in perspective, doesn't it?

We fall down. We get back up. We trudge on. We accomplish.

I see myself in this video and it's inspiring me to keep going down the path.