The other night I was searching desperately for something. It was one of those searches where all storage drawers (aka junk drawers) get emptied out, all bins get pulled out and rifled through, and every nook and cranny of the house is turned inside out ... all to no avail.
I did find something else I didn't even know I was looking for though. Old photos. Photos I had buried in drawers and bins so as to hide my fat from myself. These were the photos that my parents so nicely printed out and sent to me thinking I'd be thrilled to have remembrances of the events these were taken at. Most of these I'd looked at once when they were pulled out of the envelope. I saw how fat and miserable I looked and then refused to look at them again hence why they were literally stuffed into the darkest corners of my house.
I opened a bin and stopped short when the piles of photos that confronted me. Past Christmas gatherings, "sister time", family events, horse time, etc. were all present in this stack and the photos went all the way back to my college days.
When I started at The Healthy Weigh I wanted my goal to be my college size. I felt good in college. I felt strong, healthy, and skinny. It was the time in my life when I felt the happiest with who I was and that's how I wanted to feel again.
Looking at the college pics though, I realized that I'm actually smaller now than I was in college. Wow. Really? Could that be true? Could I really have surpassed my initial goal?
Yeah, it could. I was a size 12 in college and now I'm a size 10.
I don't remember the last time I was a size 10. It was probably sometime in high school and sadly, I probably thought I was fat at the time so I probably hated being a size 10. Probably. I don't remember it so it wasn't exactly something I was proud of, I'm sure.
I say all this because the realization of these facts hit me pretty hard. I keep thinking I have so far to go but seeing that I've never been at this place before in my life made me feel inspired.
I feel good. I feel comfortable with who I am. I feel confident. I feel powerful. I feel controlled. I feel free. I feel skinny.
There. I said it. I feel skinny.
Wow. Did I just say that?
Yeah, I did. I do feel that today. After seeing those pics and comparing to where I'm at today, I feel skinny.
So at the moment, I'm letting the reality of a skinny me sink in a bit as I do the happy dance around my office!
This. Feels. AMAZING.