Monday, August 31, 2009

Grocery Store Comments

Grocery stores are funny places. You can tell a lot about a person by what they put in their carts. It's as if the foods they eat tell the stories of their lives. Ok, that might be a little drastic, but it's still kinda true.

Personally, I hate grocery shopping. I avoid it which, when you're trying to eat healthy, doesn't work out so well. I find myself hitting the grocery store at least once a week now days and that was a tough thing for me to get used to! In the past I was miserable if I had to drag myself to the store once a month for a marathon packaged food trip. Going once a week was pure torture when I started on plan.

These days the trips have become more routine. I always have a grocery list so that I only purchase what I need and not what I want. I never go when I'm hungry (or at least I try really really really hard not to go when I'm hungry!). I also stick to the outer edges of the grocery store and don't venture down the oh-so-tempting aisles packed with goodies. Avoidance has been my thing for awhile and it's workin' for me.

The other day I was in a rush at the grocery store. I had things to do and people to see so I scrambled to pick up the items on my list like tomato's, spinach, onions, chicken, etc. If you hadn't guessed, chicken salad was on the evening's menu.

At the checkout, of course none of my stuff was ringing up properly. Why does that always seem to happen when you're in a hurry? Anyway, the checker was scanning, rescanning, keying in the items, and then re-keying in the items.

Frustrated, he turns to me and says: "I think this register just doesn't like or see this much healthy food in one transaction."

I chuckled. It was sad but probably true to some degree.

Even though the people in the line behind me were frustrated and giving me the evil eye (how dare I take up so much time at the register!), after he made that comment, I was proud to be standing there having issues with my produce.

In the past when in a hurried rush to get dinner, I would have gone to a drive thru instead of stopping at the grocery store. On the off chance I had a wild hair and decided to go to the grocery store (which would have been shocking in and of itself), I would have loaded up on mac and cheese, chips, desserts, or some other such frivolity instead of picking up fresh veggies and fruits to restock the fridge.

Healthy choices aren't always easy but there's nothing quite as nice as a guilt-free chicken salad with fresh veggies to make a girl feel healthy, happy, and content with her new lifestyle!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Revisting the "Couldn't Wouldn't" List

It's been awhile since I've added to my "Couldn't Wouldn't" list so I thought I'd do a quick little update.

As a quick reminder, I've been compiling this list since I started the weight loss journey. These are things that, at 300 pounds, I wouldn't or couldn't do. Some of these things I consciously knew I wouldn't or couldn't do but some were subconscious and just part of my reality. Each time I find a new "thing", it gets posted to this list. It's a consistent reminder of the ways in which my life has been transformed.

Good stuff.

At 300 pounds, I couldn't or wouldn't ....

  • get on my horse bareback.
  • walk into a room full of strangers and feel confident.
  • date. I could list a million things that go along with this one ... but ... well, that's a whole different blog. So, for now, let's just end it there. :)
  • bring my own food to a dinner party or baby shower and then not worry about eating it in front of everyone.
  • think I deserved to be happy.
  • run on a treadmill.
  • workout at a gym in front of people.
  • go hiking on a first date ... yeah, probably wouldn't have gone hiking at any point in my dating life let alone on the first date!

Change is good. Life is good. And it's only getting better!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Driver's License Picture

Not very many people like their driver's license photos. Every once in awhile I'll meet someone that's proud of the pic and will actually not mind showing it off. But that's rare. Very rare. Most of us hide that pic and only whip it out if it's absolutely necessary.

I was one of those rare people that didn't mind my picture. I mean I wasn't like showing it to the world and posting it to Facebook but I certainly wasn't embarrassed by it and would whip it out without hesitation when needed. I'd forgotten what the picture was, frankly.

Lately though, I've been thinking it might maybe kinda sorta be time to get a new license.

The thing to put me on this path occurred at a bank when I was trying to cash a check. The cashier almost didn't let me complete the transaction when he saw my license. He looked at my ID, looked at me, looked back at the ID, back at me ... then handed it back.

"I need to get my manager," he said.

Oh great. How embarrassing.

The manager comes over, does the same double take and then says, "Ma'am, this looks like you but it could be your sister too. I'm going to let it slide this time, but you need to get a new license soon."

Really? My sister? Hmmm... They've obviously not seen my sister who is cute and skinny.

The second instance occurred this weekend. I went to a jazz and wine festival with a date and we were carded when we went in. Up until this point, I'd not shared with him my weight loss story ... cause ... well ... we're newly dating. So anyway, I hand my ID to the gate person and prepared for a double-take scenario all the while hoping that my date would be preoccupied or otherwise not noticing my license picture.

The ID person takes a couple peeks then puts on her glasses, whips out her flashlight (no, I'm not exaggerating) and does a slow overhaul of my license. After the to-do, she returns the license and says "Wow! You've lost a ton of weight since you had that picture taken!".

Wow. Really? Really? I mean really? Did she just say that in front of my date?

It was a nice compliment but I didn't expect to be offering explanations of my weight history to my date while at a jazz and wine festival.

I'm sure I turned about thirty shades of red as I took my ID back and muttered "Yep, yes I have" and stuffed it back into my wallet before my date could see the old me.

So, with these two instances, I've realized it's high time to get a new ID.

In fact, I'm making this my 120 pound reward ... which, by the way, I'll be hitting very very soon! I see the pic on the left now and see that, ok, not only I look just plain doofey but my face is huge, I have three chins, my hair is a mess, and I look frumpy and unhappy.

I need a new pic of the new me. One that's happy, healthy, vibrant and skinny! I want to be proud of my picture when I show it. And how cool will it be to update my stats with my new goal weight. That's going to feel great!

Wednesday, August 26, 2009


Lately I've not been that great about rewarding my good behavior. I know it's the key to keeping my brain thinking that this whole losing weight thing is a good thing but it's gotten hard to think of rewards.

This is probably partly because I haven't necessarily felt like rewarding myself for doing something that I should have been doing all along anyway.

Yes, let's say this all together now, that's a sure example of stinkin' thinkin'!

I was chatting with my friend Holly today though, and we decided we needed to plan a goal trip. We're thinking somewhere localish (like Seattle) for a girls weekend of spa treatments and shopping. Awww ... doesn't that just sound amazing?

We're both going to complete our weight loss goals this year and it seems fitting that we celebrate together as we've traveled down the weight loss path side-by-side for much of this journey.

I'm anxious to plan this trip and in the meantime am getting re-inspired to treat myself more often. I need to play because I've been working hard and I need to recognize each step as I take it.

So, here's to finding new rewards and relishing in them!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

I've Never Been This Skinny

The other night I was searching desperately for something. It was one of those searches where all storage drawers (aka junk drawers) get emptied out, all bins get pulled out and rifled through, and every nook and cranny of the house is turned inside out ... all to no avail.

I did find something else I didn't even know I was looking for though. Old photos. Photos I had buried in drawers and bins so as to hide my fat from myself. These were the photos that my parents so nicely printed out and sent to me thinking I'd be thrilled to have remembrances of the events these were taken at. Most of these I'd looked at once when they were pulled out of the envelope. I saw how fat and miserable I looked and then refused to look at them again hence why they were literally stuffed into the darkest corners of my house.

I opened a bin and stopped short when the piles of photos that confronted me. Past Christmas gatherings, "sister time", family events, horse time, etc. were all present in this stack and the photos went all the way back to my college days.


When I started at The Healthy Weigh I wanted my goal to be my college size. I felt good in college. I felt strong, healthy, and skinny. It was the time in my life when I felt the happiest with who I was and that's how I wanted to feel again.

Looking at the college pics though, I realized that I'm actually smaller now than I was in college. Wow. Really? Could that be true? Could I really have surpassed my initial goal?

Yeah, it could. I was a size 12 in college and now I'm a size 10.

I don't remember the last time I was a size 10. It was probably sometime in high school and sadly, I probably thought I was fat at the time so I probably hated being a size 10. Probably. I don't remember it so it wasn't exactly something I was proud of, I'm sure.

I say all this because the realization of these facts hit me pretty hard. I keep thinking I have so far to go but seeing that I've never been at this place before in my life made me feel inspired.

I feel good. I feel comfortable with who I am. I feel confident. I feel powerful. I feel controlled. I feel free. I feel skinny.

There. I said it. I feel skinny.

Wow. Did I just say that?

Yeah, I did. I do feel that today. After seeing those pics and comparing to where I'm at today, I feel skinny.

So at the moment, I'm letting the reality of a skinny me sink in a bit as I do the happy dance around my office!

This. Feels. AMAZING.

Monday, August 24, 2009

It's Not About Will Power

When I relate my weight loss story, generally the response is "wow, you must have a lot of will power".

I've found though, that this journey has very little to do with will power. It's about so much more than that. If I relied on my own will power and fortitude to pull me through this fight, I'd surely have failed. There have been days when my will power and motivation were so low that I did go off plan.

Going off plan for me, is like opening the flood gates. If I cheat a little ... even just a crumb of a cheat ... then I'm most likely going to cheat a lot. That's the perfectionist side of me coming out. I feel that if I can't do something perfectly, I should just throw in the towel and go for perfectly imperfect instead.

I didn't even realize that my perfectionist side drove me so much until I sat with Glenda at a weigh in and she explained this whole thing to me. When I understood it (I made her repeat it a few times and asked her to talk really slowly so that it sunk in eventually), I realized that this thinking was slowly but surely my way of self-sabotaging my own efforts.

I say all of this because I think it's important to note that we all have weaknesses, hard times, and bad days. It's truly our ability to reach out for help that sets us apart and helps us break the hurtful cycles that we're putting ourselves into.

Food addicts are addicts. We need sponsors, friends, supporters, cheerleaders, and people in our corner.

I'm lucky to have some good friends and an awesome sister that serve all these roles for me. In addition, THW has a great staff that points me in the right direction and helps to lift me when I'm falling.

I do have will power ... sometimes. I also have quite a bit of motivation ... on a good day.

My point is, and what I generally tell people when they say I have a lot of will power is that, will power is fleeting. Motivation fades. But when that starts to happen, reaching out to my support system pulls me through.

I hope you have a great support system too. In my humble opinion, it's the most important key to weight loss success.

Friday, August 21, 2009


My friend Carrie and I have started a new trend ... wogging. It's a combination of walking and jogging that I'm sure a million other people do but I'm thinking about trademarking the name so it can be all ours!

Seriously though, tell someone you're going wogging and they look at you a little sideways. It's a real thing though. I swear it. We jog a little ways then walk a little ways .. so we're wogging.

Last week I missed wogging. A lot! I missed talking with my friend Carrie, getting my daily dose of sunshine, and getting my heart rate up a bit to keep me awake on those long afternoons.

I have always looked forward to my wogs, but this week I'm relishing them. They are a treat because I know that doing my wogging keeps me centered and on track with my eating and diet. It's a kick in the butt that I need to keep motivated and moving forward.

Having someone wog with me is really helpful too. There are days when I just don't want to push myself up the hill for the fourth time. Those are the times when I'm secretly hoping Carrie has lost track of our progress and I can sneak out of the last hill. Inevitably, those are also the days when she's counting and pushes me to go back up for our fourth round of torture.

I get pretty vocal when we're wogging too. Carrie thinks I'm attempting to motivate her ... but truth be told I'm trying to motivate myself! We'll set a goal and then fall into rhythm as we hoof it to the next walking point. Half way through I'm saying things like "focus on your breathing" or "great job!" or "we're almost there" all the while hoping that saying those things out loud will help me push through too. It works. Saying it to someone else takes the focus off my own burning lungs and pushes me forward.

I'm happy this week to be back into my routine and wogging with my friend Carrie. I suggest that if you haven't tried wogging yet, you give it a whirl. It's exhilarating especially on a sunny and bright summer day!

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Corn Nuts Are Plain Nuts!

While I was at the fair, I rode in the parking lots patrolling the grounds and making sure that things were a-ok. It was a lot of saddle time, helping people find their cars, etc. etc. Things can get pretty boring out there and historically that boredom was filled with food. The fence riders (as we're so-called) bring dinner with us in our saddle bags and it's an evening of chit-chat and munching on snacks with our riding buddies as we meander through the lots.

Each night I carefully packed apples, some protein, Melba snacks, and cut up veggies to snack on. I was perfectly happy with my little packs as I roved around the parking areas. On the other hand, my riding partners packed granola bars, licorice, hard candy, chips or goldfish, sandwiches, and perhaps even the kitchen sink just 'cause.

One night I was paired with a guy that had a particularly "bad" dinner packed with him. I mean, this guy had everything a girl would ever want or need to go off plan ... and ... well ... he brought "extras" and really really really wanted to share with me.

Every time he'd reach into his pack and pull out another goody (ohhhhh almond joys! wuhoo, suckers! awwww, black licorice!), he'd offer to share.

I thanked him politely each time with a "no, but thanks".

His offers became more and more insistent and I could feel my resolve wavering. To top it off, the poor guy was getting annoyed with me.

Did I really need to indulge just to get this guy off my back already?

I'm a pretty private person. I know, shocking since I write a public blog and all but it's different when I have to admit face-to-face to someone my history and weight struggles.

When he reached for the corn nuts, poured some into a baggy, and threw them at me (didn't even bother asking this time), I knew it was time to speak up.

In a rush of cascading words that I'm sure came out a bit louder than was actually necessary, I said something like "Hey, seriously, no. I don't want your stinkin' corn nuts, candy, sugar, treats, chocolate, and calories!"

Poor guy. He looked shocked and wounded.

Further explanation was necessary. I explained (in a more casual tone) about my weight loss journey, my goals, and why corn nuts wouldn't be entering my mouth anytime soon.

I tossed the corn nuts back to him and with a big smile he said: "Yeah, you're awesome. You eating these corn nuts would be just plain nuts!"

That statement made my night and I was surprised at how supportive and appreciative he then became.

I always worry that when I tell people about where I was, they'll judge me harshly and think "wow, how did she ever get that big in the first place" and then pass judgement on me for being a weak person. In reality, it's the exact opposite. Each time I've told someone (generally with a bit of pushing on their part) about my weight loss, the response has been support twinged with a touch of amazement.

They see my weight loss as a combination of will power, strength, and resolve which I suppose is all true however I certainly don't rely on those things to be successful. Anyone, at any time, can make up their minds to lose weight and change their lives. And I mean that from the bottom of my soul..... ANYONE CAN DO THIS!

It's about having the right tools and knowledge to start the journey and the courage to ask for help when we stumble.

That and knowing, without a shadow of a doubt, that indulging in chocolate, suckers, licorice, and corn nuts is just plain nuts!

That's my new motto and the latest print out posted next to my computer.

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Who Loses Weight at the Fair?

I do!!!!!

Yep, that's right. I rocked the Clark County Fair for 10 days straight like it wasn't even there and that hard work was reflected in my awesome weigh-in yesterday at THW.

I'm down 6.3 pounds for the week. That's 117.3 pounds of total weight loss. Even better, I'm in new numbers and now weigh 189.7.

Hell yeah!

Truth be told, I was beyond nervous to step on the scale. A week off from weighing in and my brain was like "ohhhhh, don't do it! It's not going to be good news!" It would have been so easy to avoid the clinic and potentially all future visits. Have you ever been on the edge like that? Just knowing that this could be the start of you going off plan? Off diet? Off focus? And never going back? That's a scary place to be.

Anyway, being an adult (doesn't that suck sometimes) and knowing that I couldn't run from reality, I stepped on the scale to face whatever tune was thrown back at me.

And the music that played was the sweet sound of victory!

There is amazing power in this weight loss victory. Each time I face something that I know could potentially derail me and yet I come out successful on the other side, I feel stronger, more secure, and confident.

For 10 days I was accosted with smells and sights of elephant ears, hot dogs, burgers, onion rings, deep fried ice cream, deep fried Twinkies, deep fried Coke (seriously ... it's a real thing), french fries, slushies, milkshakes, and kettle corn. These temptations called to me every time I opened my ears, eyes, and nose to them. Yet I closed myself off from their charms and ultimately made wise decisions to succeed and come out ahead.

I can't even begin to tell you how amazing that feels. There is true power in knowing that I can put myself in the face of temptation for such an extended period of time and yet still stay focused and true to my goals.

32.9 pounds left. I'm whittling it down slowly but surely!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

The Death of the Sour Gummy Worms

As you all should be aware by now, I've been having a "thing" lately with sour gummy worms.

So, I've found the best way to conquer temptation is sometimes to avoid it at all costs. In this case, I've actually moved my office.

Ok, to be truthful, I didn't exactly move my office so as to avoid the sour gummy worms that live in the vending machine. I had to move in order to be closer to the rest of my team. It does help though that in the new building, the vending machines are stocked with chips and not sour gummy candies which as of late I've been oddly attracted to. Chips aren't as appealing to me so I'm a happy camper. In addition, the vending machines aren't in the break room and thus I'll not need to be tempted each time I go fill up my water bottle. Phew. I'm thrilled.

I was learning to control my craving for those little sour monsters, but some days were sure harder than others. It's nice that now on my "weaker" days, I can fill up my water bottle without being accosted by the sour gummy worm voices calling me over for a lookie lou. Of course one little peak would then occasionally turn into a mouth watering craving and a running of feet back to the office for my $$$. After all, if I ran back to the office for the money I was burning calories, right?

Ok, yeah, see, sometimes it's best to avoid such temptations.

I actually think the sour gummy worms were more of a temptation for me than anything at the fair. Wow. Amazing and somewhat sad.

Anyway, I'm happy that I'm in a new office and won't be faced with those little buggers every other hour. It's much easier to say no when I'm not staring them in the face multiple times a day.

And with that ... another crisis is averted.

Monday, August 17, 2009

Back on Track

Goodness. The last week has been a whirlwind. I tried to embrace each moment of the time off and relish in the fact that I was spending time with my horse, doing something that I loved with friends that I really care about ... but ... well ... lack of sleep made that hard sometimes!

I'm happy to report that I did pretty well food wise. I resisted the elephant ears (ooohhh so hard), the burgers (torture!), chips (yummy!), candy (even the suckers!), and other such food temptations.

The elephant ears almost lured me in though. I was with some friends that got one and seeing that sugary sweetness just about sent me racing back to the booth to indulge my own craving. Just as I was about to make a break for it, I stumbled upon a guy selling fresh strawberries and produce. Shocking. Truly shocking. Something healthy at the fair? And I found it right at the moment when I was about to break from my diet? Amazing. I ended up buying the strawberries and then "splurging" on a fat-free, nonfat, decaf, white chocolate and carmel latte. Pure goodness and the best part was that it was all guilt free.

I'm not sure that the scale will be my friend tomorrow. I did eat more protein and fruit than I should have, I didn't exercise very much, and it was very difficult to get all my water in everyday.

Regardless of the numbers though, I'm counting this as a victory. I was faced with a lot of temptation over the last 10 days and I successfully tested and used my "no" in all instances. I felt strong, in control, happy, healthy, and successful.

There's real power in knowing that I can do this even in the face of such circumstances.

This week I'm focused on water, exercise, and eating carefully. Those last pounds need to come off already!

I hope you all are gearing up for a great week too!

Tuesday, August 11, 2009

TaDa! Comparison Pics.

I am soooo excited to write today's post.

As mentioned in an earlier post, I'm very reflective right now because last year at this very time I was sitting on the back of my poor horse sweating miserably in the heat while patrolling the parking lots at the local fair. That's when my before pic was taken. Man, that pic made me physically ill when I first saw it for the first time last year. I had no idea I was that heavy. I mean, I lived with myself, but didn't really look at what I'd become.

My good friend Jody is actually beside me on her horse in the original pic. She's the one that introduced me to The Healthy Weigh and ultimately had a guiding hand in helping me find the new me. Who would have guessed that a year later she'd be taking a follow-up pic with me 115 pounds lighter!

The me in the before pic was a miserable mess of a person. Not just because of my weight issues but also because I was generally unhappy, depressed, sad, and hating life.

Amazing what has happened in my life in the last year. A month and a half after my before pic was taken, I started at THW and have since become a much different person outwardly and inwardly.

But just looking at the outward appearance, it's cool to see that my rolls are disappearing (thank goodness!), I do have a neck (tada!), and I can wear a belt without my belly protruding over the top! PROGRESS!!!!

I'm so excited to share this before and during comparison because it's speaks volumes about my weight loss journey far better than any words I could write here could.

I do have 35 more pounds to go and have been wavering a bit ... but seeing these two "me's" reflected so clearly as two totally different people are inspiring me to forge onward and finish out my journey.

I can only imagine how cool it will be next year to have another new pic with me at goal weight. That's inspiring.

Monday, August 10, 2009

Taking a Break

Oh goodness. I'm tiiiiired! The fair is kicking my butt!

My schedule is completely off kilter and I'm trying desperately to stay focused and on track with the diet. I haven't indulged in fair food (wuhoo!) or fellow campers treats, but I have had a few extra fruits and proteins to get me through the day. I figure though, if I'm going to snack on anything, better to choose an apple than a hot dog. Right?

I'm missing my walks and gym workouts this week. I am walking the fairgrounds quite a bit but it's not the same as a high energy, focused workout. I'm hoping that doesn't reflect badly on the scale.

Water. With this schedule it's so hard to drink all my water during the day! I can't drink too much before we ride out on the horses (we ride for five hours without rest room breaks! eeek!) so I'm trying to get it all in before 4:00 pm. It's proving to be tough but doable.

On the upside, I'm finding a zillion little NSV (non-scale victories) as I go through this week from increased energy and physical stamina to positive thinking and will-power. It's great because I'm comparing this year to last year and finding so many things that are easier, better, and make my time at the fair so much more enjoyable. I'll write more on all of that when I have my wits about me and can actually keep my eyes open for longer than 10 mins.

I have 8 more days to go ... wow. I must figure out how to squeeze naps into my schedule this week!

On another note, I stumbled upon some great recipes from WebMD that I'm going to try this week. Thought I'd share.

Happy Monday ... right?

Friday, August 7, 2009

How to be a "Fairly" Good Dieter

Over the next 10 days I'll be living at the local fairgrounds.

Yep, it's fair time. I have a horse at the fair this year which means I'll be at the fairgrounds every day and every night.

Yep, every day and every night. At the fair. With fair food. And camping with non-dieters that like food and beer and really really like to share. And did I happen to mention the fair food?

I mean, there are food temptations around every corner. Literally. One minute I'm strolling past the elephant ear booth being bombarded with sweet cinnamon and fried dough smells and the next I'm assaulted with the sight of a big fat juicy burger and crispy fried onion rings. After that, I stumble upon the dairy princess milkshake booth. Oh my gosh. How do I start to describe the goodness that comes from that booth. I don't even think I can put it into words frankly. The sweet, creamy goodness of a freshly churned milkshake with fresh fruit (hey, could I count it as a daily fruit and a dairy? Please? With sugar on top??????) is just about as close as I used to get to heaven on earth. The dairy princesses are even nice enough to stay open late so that the horse mounted patrol (of which I'm a member) can get milkshakes after the evening parking lot patrol. Yeah, ummmmm.... milkshakes at 10:00 pm. Good (fattening) times. Good (fattening) times.

Of course, I haven't even started in on the bags of potato chips, beers, sodas, and other goodies that the campers bring to the evening potlucks and so kindly leave on the tables for other campers to enjoy. Now isn't that just so nice of them?

Needless to say, while at the fair, my "foodar" goes on high alert but I'm doing all I can to prevent any diet disasters. Luckily my friend has a travel trailer and it comes equipped with a fridge and freezer. I've taken full advantage of that and stocked up with yogurts, fresh fruit, veggies, and protein.

By planning ahead, I'll have no excuse to make bad decisions.

I've also told my good friends to keep an eye on me and offer gentle reminders if I happen to stray from my diet. I doubt they'll need to say anything but sometimes me just knowing someone is "watching" will keep me on plan!

I'm really looking forward to spending some quality time with my horse and my horsey friends. It's going to be a great 10 days and I don't want to come out of it with any "if onlys" about food. Guilt is the quickest way to ruin a good time, right? This year, instead of the fair being about food, I'd like to make it about good friends and time with my horse. That sounds like such a nicer and longer lasting memory!

Anyway, being at the fair will mean I'll be a sporadic blog poster. By the end of fair I'll have lots of good stories and I look forward to sharing them with you. In the meantime, I'll pop in when I can and will write a note or two to update you all on my successes ... cause I quite literally am planning to knock this diet thing outta the park even in this difficult diet situation!

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Saying "No"

I don't know what it is about saying no that makes me want something even more. This is true even when I'm the one saying no to myself. I think that makes it worse actually because I know all my own flaws and can generally turn my no into a yes by pushing my own buttons. Lately, there's been a lot of button pushing going on and I've had the hardest time agreeing with myself on the whole no thing.

In fact, instead of no being a definitive decision, it has turned into a lengthy conversation that generally involves some "why can't I have it" and "that's not fair" and "just a little won't hurt" kind of statements. Bombarded with such great arguments (yeah, not so much), I generally give into the temptation.

The most recent temptations being food related, of course.

Silly, right?

I'm sure there's some psychological reason. It probably goes back to the days of my childhood, being told no as a kid, not feeling deserving, blah blah blah.

The thing is that right now I need to be focused on the no. It needs to be my life. I need to hear that word as a decision (cutting me off from any other possibilities) and not a discussion topic. I need to let it resonate in my head as a positive and not a negative or deprivation.

By saying no to foods that I shouldn't have, I'm saying yes to my health, happiness, and self. I'm letting good things in. I'm allowing myself to complete this weight loss and I'm saying that I'm worthy of the good things that will come to me by not consuming bad-for-me-foods.

This is truly a case of changing my thinking. My rumbling tummy is not being honest with me but my new training and thought process can be if I let them lead the way.

It's time to step out of my own way and commit to the power of my no.

No is not a four letter word. It's life changing and I'm putting stock in that today.

Let's make NO the new YES!

Wednesday, August 5, 2009

3500 calories

That's how many calories it takes to lose or gain a pound. Why oh why it is easier to eat those calories than to lose them?

I just got done at a refresh of The Healthy Weigh's food plan in hopes that I would get reinspired and knock out this last 35 pounds. One of my biggest take aways was the whole calorie and deficit thing.

Intrinsuiqly I knew this information. I mean, I knew that 3500 calories was a pound but when we started adding up my own numbers, it made it real to me.

I need to have a daily deficit of 890 calories per day to lose 2 pounds per week. Wowza. That's a lot of calories that I can't eat! If I consume over my food allotment for the day, those are calories that will need to be burned in order to keep losing.

Kinda makes those gummy worms not so appealing, frankly. 300 calories goes by quickly. That's a couple extra bites of cottage cheese, a extra fruit, a few extra pieces of Melba toast (yes, I live on the edge sometimes). It all adds up.

I think it's so easy to say "oh, it's just a little bit" and then consume accordingly but the reality is that every single thing that goes into our mouths has calories. From our lips to our hips.

I've made a big print out of the 890 number to keep plastered above my computer screen at work. It's not that pretty to look at, but it does the trick. I need that reminder of how many calories I need to stay away from.

This is doable and now I need to buckle down and get 'er done!

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Sitting Dog. Jogging Wendy.

Noodle is the most energetic dog I've ever met. She can jump from all fours straight into the air and go up above my 5'4 head without any issues. She does this repeatedly with her tongue hanging out sideways, a doofy smile on her face, and her ears flopping in the breeze. It's her favorite activity and she performs it on a routine basis. It's her way of working off her own energy. The pic on the left is of her this winter jumping up and down in the barn aisle.

This would be ok, except that she doesn't exactly always look at what might be under foot or over head or next to her when she performs this sort of activity and therefore ends up running into, breaking, stepping on, or otherwise destroying something upon each spastic jump. She is very much unaware of her 120 pounds and is always surprised when the jumping causes some kind of proximity drama.

Since I've owned Noodle (2 years), I've been searching for some sort of activity that she could do with me that, at the end of it, would tire her out. A tired Noodle = a good Noodle. But I've yet to find the one thing that will knock her on her butt.

When we walk, she's still going strong at the end of 12 miles while I am more than ready to turn for home. We picked up mountain biking and she's adapted but she's not the biggest fan of the bike and it can be a dangerous ride.

As I'm on the jogging thing right now, I've started taking her along with me and it seems to be her thing. She trots along next to me at a pretty good pace and seems to be mildly less energetic at the end of the run so I consider that a success. I do find it a bit ironic that I would end up with a dog that likes jogging ... but ... well ... perhaps that the motivation that I need to keep moving forward with the whole thing.

I took her out this weekend and actually succeeded knocking her on her butt ... quite literally!

We were jogging around Battle Ground Lake which is about a 3 or 4 mile trail. As we were heading for home (about a quarter mile left), I decided to kick it into high speed. My legs were numb at this point so I might as well make the most of it and get my heart rate up as much as it could possibly go.

Noodle did great keeping up for the first part of the sprint. She led the way in her typical "Noodle trot jog". As we were about half through the sprint, she dropped behind me and I heard her panting increase. I kept charging ahead.

Pretty soon I felt a tug on the leash and turned around to check on her. She was literally sitting down in the middle of the trail and I was dragging her on her butt as I pushed forward to complete the sprint! Poor Noodle. She looked pooped and miserable. I dropped the leash and kept pushing forward. I was almost done and didn't want to stop when the end was within my grasp. I figured she'd meander her way back to the truck eventually.

I rounded the next corner, pushed hard to complete the sprint, thought I was going to die from lack of oxygen, and finally collapsed in a sticky, sweaty, achy, breathless mess in front of my truck.

A few minutes later, a very tired and droopy Noodle slowly panted her way around the corner and up to the truck where she immediately sat down next to me and put her head on her paws as if to say "Phew! I can't even hold up my head after that one, mom".

She was a good Noodle the rest of the day. She and I both napped and enjoyed a lazy day at home.

For the first time since I've owned her, she had run out of energy. Aw, what a good day! I'm looking forward to having many more of those as we charge forward in our fitness goals. Her fitness will increase as will mine so pretty soon she'll be pulling me in a sprint down the last 1/4 mile of trail! In the meantime, I'm going to relish the fact that this little bit tires her out more than me. Wuhoo!

Monday, August 3, 2009

What Not To Wear. No really. Don't wear that.

A few friends and I went to a great concert on Friday night ~ Sugarland. The music was awesome, good friends provided great company, and the crowd was in rare form. And I mean that literally ... the crowd was in very rare form.

It was high-90-some-odd degrees and humid which I guess some people took to mean that they could wear highly inappropriate outfits in public with no thought or care as to how they looked. I guess.

Now, I preface this by saying that generally I don't nitpick people to the inth degree but when you're in a sea of people and you're waiting for a concert to start, well, your mind takes over and people watching becomes it's own entertainment.

There were tube tops, short shorts, barefeet, bare midriffs (and rolls), and more cleavage than any one person should be subjected to in one sitting. Most of which was showcased on people that would have looked much better with a bit more clothing.

It got me thinking though. Here I am, having lost 112 pounds, being nervous about showing my bare arms in public whilst these people are showing everything (rolls included) without a care.

I think there has to be a happy medium. Hopefully we know what our bodies strengths are and dress to showcase those. But so what if my flabby arms make an appearance once in awhile? Honestly, with the way the crowd was on Friday night, had my bare arms made an appearance, no one would have even been noticed. They would have been too busy looking at the chubby gal in the button down shirt tied above her belly roll which protruded over her super tight shorts. Most likely my flabby arms would have been the least offensive fashion violation in the crowd that night.

This goes both ways though. I think so many people that have lost weight avoid going clothes shopping and instead continue to wear their big, clunky, over sized clothes day in and day out.

I was watching a Tivo'd What Not To Wear that showcased a lady that had lost 60 pounds but hadn't gone clothes shopping to celebrate her success because she didn't want to get depressed when "nothing fit". By the time Stacy and Clinton were done with her, she looked like an entirely new person, as if she'd actually lost so much more than 60 pounds, and she had confidence in her appearance.

I think it's important to embrace who we are, be confident in our bodies as they are today, dress to flatter our assets, and then let some of our insecurities go.

I was thinking that this morning as I got ready for work. It's going to again be in the high 90s and my office gets the majority of the afternoon sun which means it's going to be a scorcher. I decided to break outside of my comfort zone and am wearing a dressy tank top with capri pants and sandals. Yes, people at the office are going to be subjected to my arms. It's not just the mountains that will see them this time ... and oddly enough, I'm ok with that.

I'm taking my own advice and am embracing who I am and the body I have today.