Tuesday, June 30, 2009
In reality, my feet have gone down a 1/2 size but for some reason, when I look down at the floor, my feet look huge!
And, they are large. I'm 5'4 and wear a size 10 shoe. When I was a kid and they did that whole measuring thing to estimate your height (which I guess was somehow based on foot size), the Dr.'s thought I would be 5'10ish. Nope. Not even close. My body shut down at 5'4 and yet my feet kept growing.
I hadn't really noticed all of this until the other day I looked down and was shocked to see my big clodhoppers sticking out so far in front of me. I mean, I can look down at the floor and see the full length of my foot now. I didn't used to be able to do that ... there were "things" in the way.
Oh, isn't it interesting the things you find out about yourself as you lose weight?
Monday, June 29, 2009
- Ok I'm serious this time and I'm going to start doing everything on plan.
- I should write down all my daily foods.
- I really need to weigh and measure all my food.
But somehow those statements don't always turn into reality. I know the things I need to do to stay focused and complete this journey and yet sometimes I just can't seem to muster the energy to do what needs to be done.
Inevitably, those are the times when I don't lose or (gasp) actually gain a pound.
It's weird really that we can speak something out loud and yet our brains don't make the connection with the words.
When faced with my next meal, my brain doesn't even remember the should's, need's to, and going's to. It instead is focused on that very instant and not the end result of that instant.
A friend and I were talking awhile ago and she related that she has this very same problem. So, she put a rubber band around her wrist to remind her of her commitment to the weight loss journey. She's sees that rubber band each time she reaches for food and therefore it's a good reminder of what she's working on.
That's a neat idea although I can't seem to wear plastic things 'cause I break out in little bumps so that method won't work for me.
Instead I've got to figure out how to make a connection with my brain and truly commit this as a life change. As Letha would say, I need to make a decision and cut myself off from ANY other possibilities!
And perhaps that's the issue. If I can tell myself that I have no other options and it would click in my silly brain, I would be successful.
I've had these moments before. I know this is trite but sometimes it really is like a light bulb goes off in my head when I truly commit to the change.
I'm not exactly sure what makes the difference and how to flip that light bulb switch. I wish I could do it just by willing it to be so but it seems that I need something to really push me to the brink to commit fully.
And thus, today I'm in search of that "thing" to push me there. I know I need to be fully committed to being on plan in order to push through these last pounds. Now I just need to put that knowing into doing.
I keep saying the words to myself and am hoping that they will sink in eventually.
Today my truth is that motivation is in the doing.
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Amazing how over 100 pounds of loss and a complete brain transplant can change my way of thinking! I now accept that I worked to put the weight on and now I'm working to take it off.
This weight ... it's a choice not an affliction. I chose what to put in my mouth and therefore I chose to be fat.
I soooo don't chose that anymore!
Also, part of this same series, this part on emtional eating is especailly interesting.
Saturday, June 27, 2009
I can't believe that I paid money to walk such a long distance but I did and I'm so excited about it! I've heard great things about the event overall and I'm really looking forward to kicking some major walking butt on this challenge.
I did sign up with a bit of apprehension though. I've been walking approximately 4 miles per day for the last couple months as well as training in the gym a couple times a week. I knew I was getting more fit, but I still think sometimes that I'm the fat girl others look at and think, why is she here? Yes, that stinkin' thinkin' comes back every once in awhile! I didn't want to feel like the outsider on the relay team because I couldn't or wouldn't be able to complete the course.
After our team meeting though, I have no more apprehension. The other teammates are all super nice and my fitness level fit right in with what the others were already doing. I was, in fact, working out more than some of them. That has never happened to me before!
I know right now I can go out and walk 10 miles without dying and the legs of the relay are 7 - 8 miles so I should be ok. I do have some training to do and some new walking shoes to invest in, but I'm confident that I'll be able to do this walk and have a great time doing it too!
Heather, also a client at The Healthy Weigh, is the one that told me about the team. She's lost 103 pounds which is incredible. It will be fun to share this time with her as we both push hard to accomplish our goals.
It's going to be a fun summer!
Friday, June 26, 2009
As I've been losing weight and getting my life in order, I've been thinking more and more about finding the right person to share life with.
Truthfully, at 300 pounds I didn't respect myself enough to think I deserved a man in my life. I shut the door on every positive possibility that presented itself. Of course, there weren't too many positive possibilities because I wasn't happy with myself and therefore wasn't attracting good quality men.
I remember thinking though that I didn't necessarily deserve quality. The things that I truly wanted in a partner were put by the wayside when someone did show interest just because ... well ... I thought some interest was better than none and therefore why turn it away? I didn't date a lot but when I did, I settled.
These days, that sure has changed.
I'm not stopping traffic by any means, but I am getting noticed more. Doors are opened more often, I get more looks by passersby, occasionally someone will honk, and smiles in grocery stores come more easily.
I don't think this has to do with weight though. I mean, sure, guys are very visual so perhaps that plays into it somewhat. I think though that the self-confidence and self-worth that I'm building are playing a key role in my getting noticed. I feel better about who I am as a person. I know I've got some great qualities that others will appreciate and therefore I walk straighter, look people in the eye and (shockingly) might even offer a smile first!
Let me reflect back for a second.
At 300 pounds, I looked at the ground a lot when I was walking somewhere. I didn't meet people's gazes because I wanted to blend into the environment. I judged myself so harshly that I didn't want to open myself up to their judgment too even though most of them might not have been offering judgment. I didn't necessarily feel fat. I just felt worthless. Hence why I was fat! What an endless cycle! I was unapproachable, harsh, and self-demeaning.
Wow. Not a very easy combination to be around for anyone let alone a partner.
I might not have vocalized those things all the time to others, but it's how I felt inside and I know it worked it's way into my interactions.
As I've been going through my weight loss journey, I've been working hard to change my thinking. I've religiously been visiting with Glenda once a week to work on my personal stumbling blocks and with each little pound that falls off, a little bit of my emotional insecurity falls away too.
Anyway, I say all of this and am reflecting on it because (drum roll please) ... I have a date tonight.
It's such a different thing for me this time around that I'm still taking it all in. I'm excited about having a date, but I'm also not thinking I need to sacrifice who I am in order to make someone else happy. I'm looking at him and thinking, is he right for me? And not, am I right for him?
What a shift in thinking. Looking at dating in this light really takes a lot of the pressure off. I don't feel like I have to perform or change myself to fit his world. No, this time, he needs to fit into mine.
To clarify though, he doesn't need to change, he just needs to "fit". Make sense? It's a big and important distinction.
I'm excited about the evening ahead. I'll feel confident when I meet up with him (while wearing my size 10 jeans no less!). I know what I want in a relationship and I'll be sizing him up to see if he'll fit the bill.
And if not, hey, no worries. There will be someone out there that will. This time around, there is no need to settle.
It's time to get out, have some fun, and see what there is to see in this great big world! This is a new chapter in my life and instead of standing scared in the corner, I'm rushing out to meet it with a smile on my face.
Thursday, June 25, 2009
Anyhoo ... yesterday I decided to give myself a little mini shopping trip post the major closet cleaning last weekend. I'm in such major need of jeans it's not even funny. I think I have one pair that's two sizes too big. I have to cinch them up with a belt and still end up pulling them up pretty consistently. Every time I wear them, I feel frumpy and feeling frumpy isn't ok anymore. I know I deserve to look and feel good about myself so it was time to remedy the jean situation with a little retail therapy.
I wandered into Macy's and started poking around the various departments.
As an aside, to someone that used to only be able to shop at one big girl store with limited options, Macy's is quite overwhelming. Holy cow. There are like a million different sections of clothes! What a complete blast. I felt like I was on cloud nine as I wandered through knowing that a lot of the clothes in there would fit me now. What an accomplishment! I don't think I'll get used to that for awhile and frankly, it's kinda nice to relish in it a bit. It's a good reminder that I don't need to sheepishly dart into the store to buy my clothes 'cause I don't want anyone to see me buying big girl clothes. I can shop with my head held high.
Anyway, I made my way over to the jeans, pulled out about 7 or 8 pairs ranging in sizes 14 - 10. I figured I'd fall somewhere in the middle for most styles.
I tried on the first pair. A size 10 DKNY dark wash jean. No spandex (I double and triple checked). THEY FIT! Oh my gosh. I was literally beside myself.
From the dressing room, I dialed The Healthy Weigh and in breathless abandon related my current adventure. I had to share with someone that would understand and I knew Letha and Glenda would celebrate this victory with me which they did. Of course the jeans were spendy ($78 ... eeeeekk!!!) but I was so buying them! They were a SIZE 10 and my butt looked darn cute in them too! :)
I'm not sure why each time I successfully go down a size I'm shocked ... but I am. It's almost like I forget that I am and still can lose this weight. Like yes, I really can and will be an size 8 at the end of this whole thing.
I realized the other day that I only have 38 (point something) more pounds to go. Wow. I had that 50 stuck in my head and saying 50 more pounds to go makes the end seem a loooooong way off. But saying 38 seems like a drop in the bucket. I see the end in sight. It's right in front of me. I can almost reach out and touch it.
Focus, determination, resolve, and fierce conviction are driving me forward at this point.
Oh, and gettng into my new-cute-size-10-kick-butt (a good lookin' butt I might add) jeans are pretty darn good incentive too!
Watch out people! My goal is in sight!
What an incredible event! I can't believe (well I can but I'm amazed) that the participating teams lost almost 1200 pounds ... holy cow! Literally! Combined we all lost a whole cow! Incredible!
The winners were so deserving. The Big Hinnies consistently kicked big hinney throughout the challenge and the $1,000 truly deserved to line their much smaller pants pockets.
The participating teams were supportive of one another and, as Letha said, really made THW a community. The cheering, golf claps, and lifting up of one another that occurred weekly was and is inspirational.
I was so thankful to be part of this challenge. There were times when getting to the clinic on a Tuesday at lunch or after work seemed daunting. A time or two I wanted to skip because I knew Glenda would be saying "Up just a little" in front of a crowded room. But I kept coming back and each time, regardless of the number on the scale, I was thankful I did.
I went into this challenge thinking I would coast along and participate but not become too involved. I was nervous to stand in front of a crowded room and share my weight, I certainly didn't want anyone to know who I was let alone look at me while I weighed in, and I didn't have any thought that I'd win this thing.
When things started to take a different turn in my personal life, the weight loss took a back seat. Going to the weekly meetings helped keep me accountable. It encouraged me to stick with it and focus even in the midst of hard times. Knowing I was going to need to weigh in with others looking on, helped me at least maintain my weight. That, to me, was priceless. The weekly talks from Letha were also nice shot in the arm and I always left in a better frame of mind than when I entered the room.
Hearts and minds were changed during this challenge. Letha and Glenda were such great leaders. Their energy, talks, inspiration, motivation, and passion were the catalyst for life change. I so felt that in the room last night. The energy of all the teams packed together to celebrate each others successes was powerful. I left not just hoping we'd all successfully complete our goals, but knowing that we would. I'll also forever have burned in my mind "bobblehead Glenda". That too was completely priceless!
Personally, I reached two very big milestones as part of this challenge. I reached 100 pounds of weight loss (and so did three other people!) and I dipped below 200. Wow. How great to celebrate those victories with others that understand and relate to the struggle!
Some of us that participated in the challenge still aren't done with our personal journey just yet. I still have 38 pounds to go ... but I know that we can all succeed.
I'm glad that Letha was tough with us by setting high expectations for success in the coming weeks. She's right. We've proved we can do this. Now we need to see it through.
I'm so thankful to each of the teams for being so supportive and friendly and I look forward to seeing everyone at upcoming THW events (like the refresh class today).
I can't wait to see the changes we all make in our lives and our bodies! We are going to be the best looking bunch of losers in Clark County!
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
I'm down below 200 pounds for the first time in over 12 years. Truthfully, since I never weighed myself, I'm not sure how long it's been since I've been below 200 but it has to at least be 12 years.
Get this though. I didn't just open the door and politely ask the 200's to leave.
No, I picked them up by the scruff of the neck, gave them a good shake, and told them they were no longer EVER welcome around here again. I then tossed them into the air and kicked them to the curb with all my might.
In other words, I dropped 4.8 pounds this week and blew past that 200 mark landing at 195.3.
I feel like I'm getting my dieting mojo back after the stress of my grandpa's passing. My body was holding onto the weight ~ not going up but not going down too much either. Now that the stress is leaving, so is the weight. And it's awesome!
I had a funny thought as I was driving back to work from the weigh in. I was trying to equate and personalize how much I've lost (111 pounds) and realized, hey, I've now lost an entire anorexic woman! I was laughing out loud at my own joke. I'm sure the guy in the truck next to me thought I was a goofball but hey ... who cares! That's pretty darn funny!
It truly is a ONEderful, ONEderful life!
Tuesday, June 23, 2009
It was such a great project. I found a couple items I'd tucked back in my closet as the "will fits" that were now too big. As much as I hated giving up some cute, new-with-tags things, it was neat to know I'd gotten below what I'd once considered a goal.
On the other hand, although a pleasant surprise, it made me realize that I still have that distorted body image that most of us struggle with. So I pulled out a pair of jeans that I wore when I started this journey. They used to be skin tight at 300 pounds. I had to strain to button the pants.
I stepped into them and put BOTH of my legs into one leg of the pants.
I am literally 1/2 of the person I was. CRAZY!
I'm going to take a pic and post it here as it was quite amazing to see how big those darn jeans were. I used to think they were so cute and didn't even think twice about the size. Amazing that now they look so big to me!
Perhaps my body image will catch up with my new sizing at some point. In the meantime, I put those jeans back in the drawer and will bring them out each time I'm discouraged. Stepping into them is a great reminder of just how far I've come.
Monday, June 22, 2009
My friend's aunt was having a baby shower for her. I RSVP'd, called my friend to find out what foods were going to be on the menu, and then asked if she thought her aunt would mind if I brought my own foods so that I could stay on plan and yet still enjoy the party. Did I mention that her aunt is a gourmet cook and has several published cookbooks? Yeah, tough situation and hard to resist her amazing cooking!
Nonetheless, I showed up with my veggies, on-plan starch (garlic melba snacks!!), and protein. I added in the fresh fruit being served and sat down to enjoy the meal with everyone else.
It was great. I had no guilt when I left that party. No one even looked twice at me as I nibbled and stuffed my face along with the rest of them.
I never would have even thought to bring my own food back in the day. I would have worried that would insult the hostess and that's not something I would ever want to do. However, the thing I've noticed is that very few people actually know or care what I'm putting into my mouth. Instead they only seem to care that my plate is full. So filling it with veggies and fruits and my own foods is (in most scenarios) perfectly acceptable.
Letha is the one that really changed my thinking on this topic. She said in one of her workshops that dieting is like food allergies. If we were allergic to peanuts and were invited to someone's house for dinner, most likely we'd know in advance if we could eat what was being served as it would be a life and death thing to know the menu.
Why is it any different for a food addict? This is a life and death thing too. The death just happens to be a bit slower in our case but the reality is that it's still plausible. So why don't we take steps to avoid it and be healthy?
It was hard and strange to pull out my foods at first, but when no one noticed or seemed to care, it sure became a lot easier.
I'm so proud of myself for making healthy choices when at first it wasn't the easiest thing to do. If I can pass up cake and gourmet cooking, I think I might just might be able to make it to the end of this thing!
Sunday, June 21, 2009
While I was on the treadmill the other day I had to trudge through an advertisement for Cold Stone Creamery immediately followed by an advert for Pizza Hut.
Those little devils! Ice cream and pizza are my vices!
And there they were staring me right in the face as I sweat to drop what they attached to my hips over the years.
Isn't life ironic?
The good news, I worked my butt off in the gym and went home feeling way better than that ice cream and pizza ever made me feel.
Friday, June 19, 2009
That's been my life for 32 years. I was the cute, chubby baby. I was an average child ~ big boned my grandma used to say ~ and as a teenager I was overweight. Not obese per se but I certainly could have dropped a few pounds. I was active so that probably held off a lot of the weight. I lost weight in college and was cute and trim. And then I graduated and put it all (and then some) back on when I got my first desk job. I've been up and down ever since then.
I was talking with someone last night that's had gastric bypass surgery a couple years ago. She lost a lot (and I do mean A LOT) of weight. Recently, she's started gaining it back.
She was relating her ups and downs with weight and I could and did SO relate to her struggles.
As she was talking though, I just kept thinking, "This will not happen to me again." I meant it. Those words went through my brain with such conviction that I was a bit taken back by them.
I've worried that I will balloon back up because ... well ... that's what I've done in the past.
As she was talking though, my brain kept interjecting with tidbits of my new truths such as the fact that we can't let our past behavior dictate our futures. My brain was telling me that I could make a choice to keep the weight off. How liberating is that! It's in my control! Finally! Something I CAN actually control.
I refuse to be in the same position she's in now with a yo-yo diet and the unhappiness that brings.
Giving in and giving up (ballooning back up in weight) is not an option.
Thursday, June 18, 2009
But, jogging is one of those things that I've always wanted to do and could never quite muster up the energy to do well.
In high school my dad and I used to run around the lake in Longview. Well, he'd jog, I'd straggle along behind him. He'd encourage me ("Only a few more steps! You can do it!") and his encouragement only served to annoy me at the time. I remember getting soooo mad at him because he was making me jog.
Of course, he wasn't making me do anything. I chose to go with him on these ventures and when he suggested a jog I chose to put my feet in motion. But at the end of the jogging spurt, when his encouragement became the loudest to push me to the end, I couldn't see past my sweat filled brow, burning legs, and stinging lungs. I only saw red and generally a few expletives escaped from my lips as I finally caught up with him at the end of the jaunt.
For some reason, I had forgotten those jogs and the pure rage I felt at having to work so hard at something that I saw no benefit to. I'm sure it's a case of repressed memories ....
Anyway, as I started losing weight, I started throwing in a little (teensy tiny weensy) bit of jogging to my daily routine. When I say little, I mean that I jogged a block then used the next five or six blocks to recover my breath and brain. The more I've done it though, the easier it's gotten and now I'm jogging two blocks, walking a block, jogging two, walking one, etc.
I was pretty darn proud of my progress ... until I downloaded a little application called C25K for my iPhone. This app is supposed to take me from a couch potato to a 5k runner in 9 weeks.
I did the first day (only the first day!) and just about died. I have no idea how in the world I'm going to keep up with this app for the next 9 weeks.
I do want to keep trucking along though. As much as I hate the pain as I'm going through it, there is something so absolutely liberating about knowing that I did it and CAN do it! It's just one more thing that I've always wanted to do that now I will do.
Granted, I don't think I'll be entering any marathons, but it would be nice to know I could jog without dying and wanting to hurt someone at the end of it.
So, that's my new workout mission over the next couple weeks.
I hope ....
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
I'm getting soooooo close to those 100's! I have a feeling Thursday is gonna be a great day!
In addition, Team Flab-U-less (that's me and Holly) had the highest percentage of weight loss of the lunch weigh-ins. Wuhoo! We won the awesome scissors (who would have thought plastic scissors would be so darn super motivating!) and a really great Avon kit.
The teams on the challenge have been amazing. I mean, seriously, Big Hinnies, you're kicking some big hinny! But everyone else has been great too. It's been so amazing watching these teams make huge life changes.
It's going to be exhilarating to be at the finale next week to celebrate all of our successes.
And with that, the pom-poms are going back in the closet for a bit. They'll be back out in full force on Tuesday for the finale though!
Oh, and don't forget about the hike on Saturday. It would be great to see some Healthy Weigh faces there!
I was talking with a friend the other day and she said something about being chubby and instantly my hackles went up. She's thinner than me so if she thinks she's chubby, what does she think I am? And thus, if she thinks it, does it make it so? Of course, my friend in no way made this statement toward me ... my narcissistic side though internalized her comments and made it all about me! Darn silly brains!
I've been working really hard not to think of myself in such negative terms. Not that I'm turning a blind eye to the weight I have yet to lose, but I'm also trying not to get caught up in the endless cycle of "I'm a fatty" that takes over the brain and sabotages the good dieter. Although, to be honest, I've been tentatively doing this and only half-heatedly committing it to memory. I've been speaking it, but not necessarily believing it.
My friends comments really made me stop and think.
I know I'll never be the skinniest girl in the room. I won't ever - no matter how much weight I lose - be a size 2. But can I, at the very least, not be "the chubby gal" anymore? Is there a time when I will ever be considered something other than chubby and overweight? When will that happen? At what size and time?
Perhaps, just maybe, I need to put a stake in the ground and say that the time is NOW!
Over the course of my weight loss, I've realized that weight and sizes are relative. What I mean is that there is no magic number. It's very much all in our heads as to how we feel about ourselves. Being a size 2 won't make me perfect and happy. Being below 130 pounds doesn't necessarily make me skinny. I think part of me keeps waiting for this miracle weight acceptance thing to happen, skies to part, angels to sing, and crowds rush in to accept me so that I somehow, someway can accept myself.
When I started at over 300 pounds, I thought that surely had to happen after 100 pounds of weight loss. I mean, being a size 12 would be amazing! I'd be able to shop in any store, wear lots of cool styles of clothes, and look like every other normal person out there. So I equated being a size 12 to being perfect, healthy, and happy.
The reality is that hitting 100 pounds and a size 12 didn't cause any miracles to happen. I still was and am me. I see and focus on the lumps, bumps, and areas on my body I need to improve upon instead of recognizing that I'm getting closer than ever to a healthy weight.
So it's got to be all in my own darn head. Silly brain!
Time to change the tape and start thinking more positive things about myself. And thus, I'm officially eliminating the words "Chunky" and "Chubby" from my vocabulary.
I will no longer laughingly refer to myself as the fat girl, the overweight one, the one with a few extra pounds, or chunky slash chubby.
I will no longer take someone else's insecurities as my own and let those negative thoughts impede my progress.
I will no longer accept anything less than what I'm truly worth.
I'm becoming who I've always wanted to be and at this moment, I'm creating my own reality. This is a pretty darn good place to be.
I'm taking these words and pledging this as truth. I'm actually believing these words and am consciously making an effort to change my thinking!
Monday, June 15, 2009
It wasn't until I started at my current job and had to pass the vending machine (darn machine!) multiple times per day when I went to fill up my water that the gummy worms made an appearance in my "crave" cycle.
They seem to be the least of the evils haunting the vending machine that's otherwise filled with snickers, peanut butter cups, oreo cookies, frosted animal crackers, etc. That's probably why they are even on my radar at all. I guess my little brain doesn't want to be super off plan with a snickers but instead will settle for only-kinda-sorta-yet-yes-still-off-plan sour gummy worms.
Generally afternoons are the hardest time to resist the craving. That when my legs seem to have a will of their own and take me to stand and stare into the vending machine window. I can usually talk myself out of this whole idea but today ... wait for it ... I caved.
The sour gummy worms in hand, I raced back to my office quickly so that my walking partner Carrie wouldn't inadvertently spot the trouble I was about to indulge in.
Sitting at my desk, I cracked open the bag and took a wiff. Mmm... suuuuuugarrrrrr.... mmmmm...
I turned the bag over and my eyes flashed over the nutritional information. Weird. Did I just do that?
Servings per bag = 3. Calories per serving = 130. Sugar = 19 grams.
Oh a piece of good news! 3g of protein ... that's better than nothing, right?
Hmmm... I started to put this into perspective. To stay on plan, I'm only allotted approximately 1000 (give or take) calories per day. If I consumed this entire bag of gummy goodness, I'd gobble up over a 1/3 of my allotted calories for the day. In fact, this tiny bag has more calories than I work out in the gym during a 30 minute workout. That's shocking and oh-so-unfortunate.
Hmmm..... ok. So ... how worth it is this indulgence?
Am I hungry? Nope.
Am I truly in NEED of these gummy worms? No.
Then why in the world am I doing this to myself? No clue.
The saying "ignorance is bliss" is fitting here because once I really thought about the worthless calories I was about to consume, I suddenly wasn't so enticed.
I threw the sour gummy worms into the trash and poured water on them (no temptation later ... yes, sadly, the trash alone might not be deterrent enough).
I then cut out the nutritional information from the bag and posted it on the wall right above my computer screen. It would be a reminder that even the lesser of the vending machine evils was still evil to a dieter.
Sunday, June 14, 2009
- Fat-Free Cool Whip (2 tablespoons only!)
- Frozen blueberries
- Nonfat yogurt ~ The fruitier the better ~ Dannon light and fit is a great option
- Frozen grilled chicken
- Fresh organic spinach
- Cherry tomatos
- Melba roasted garlic snack toast
- Good salad dressing ~ Right now it's the Sesame Ginger stuff. Yummy!
- 2% cottage cheese. After all that nonfat stuff, 2% feels almost sinful!
- Fiber One cereal
- Fuji Apples ~ Crisp, refreshing
- Fresh Green Onions ~ They spice up salads, stirfry, homemade chili and just about anything else!
I generally try to have these things on hand for the week because I know they can curb most cravings that hit me.
What are some of your "can't live without" foods?
Saturday, June 13, 2009
I was once a part of it and I think it's time to blow this secrect club out of the water.
Being stuck in that club sucks. It's an endless cycle of unhappiness.
The thing is though, it's pretty darn hard to escape its clutches. Not only do I have to battle my own mental demons, but I'm also battling my former clubmates. And you know which clubmates I'm taking about because, most likley, you're a part of the Fat Girls Club and don't even know it.
See, that's how secrect it is!
The clubmates that make it hard to leave the club are the ones that want to soothe my bad day by treating me to a special dinner ... at Olive Garden. They are the ones that used to giggle with (or at) me as I struggled to get onto my horses even with a mounting block. They are the ones that bring cookies, cakes, and donuts to the office and then get offended when I don't indulge. They consistently talk about food, their failed diets, and their lack of motivation and then wonder why I'm not joining in on the conversation.
They are also the ones that get jealous when they see my weight loss progress.
Believe me, the club is not a good place to be. It's spiteful, hurtful, and can easily drag me back into the abiss that is being a fat chic.
So, I'm working to surround myself with people that share my vision of a healthy new world. Healthy food, eating to live, exercise, passion for life, etc. Those are the kinds of people that can help me along my path instead of harming my progress.
In the meantime, let's band together and break up this horrific club, gals! Let's take the time to celebrate each other success, cheer on those still on the journey, and pick up the ones that fall along the way.
If I had pom poms I'd soooo be waving them in the air right now!
Friday, June 12, 2009
1) They put their forks down between bites unlike me who has a robotic and rhythmic action from plate to mouth with hardly a breath in between bites. I think this gives them time to enjoy the bite and actually chew it all before new food goes in. I've heard chewing things is actually good for you. I wouldn't know. But yeah, anyway.
2) They take small, well planned bites. My friend Andrea is the perfect example. She actually plans out her each one of her bites. If she's eating a salad, she'll make sure she has a bit of tomato, some lettuce, a bit of dressing (very small amount) and some meat or something on the fork. She puts thought into each bite and truly savors it as she eats. I, on the other hand, figure that if I shove it all in fast enough, it will mix in my mouth and therefore be the perfect bite somehow somewhere along the way.
3) They aren't afraid to order "off menu". They are high-maintenance-restaurant-eaters and proud of it. The waitress comes around and the questions are things like "can you make that without oil?" "Can I have that without butter?" "I'd like steamed broccoli instead of a potato." Etc. I get embarrassed when I make such suggestions. I don't want people to think I'm high-maintenance and like spit in my food or something before they bring it to me. Instead, I'd rather get fat. Huh? Yeah. Not a lot of logic in my thinking here.
4) They equate healthy food and exercise with self-care. I don't think I've ever heard my skinny friends say, "Man, it was a hard day. I deserve this cheesecake!" Generally I hear, "Man, it was a tough day! I am looking forward my gym time to recenter my brain and workout my stress." My brain tends to go the cheesecake route. Or Burger King, or McDonalds, Or Burgerville, or Pizza Hut or .....
5) They eat to live and don't live to eat. Don't get me wrong, they enjoy food. But for most of them, it's not about quantity but quality. They generally pick fresh ingredients, complimentary spices, etc. and focus on the prep and care of the food more than the actual meal. For me, it was/is all about the consuming so this is a hard switch for me. When I'm eating to drown a feeling, it's much more about putting as much food as possible down me rather than truly enjoying the food that's getting in there. That's why burgers, fries, pizzas, etc. were so good. They were fast, easy, and satisfied the need quickly. Who had time to make a salad when there was an emotion nearby just waiting to be avoided?
6) They take responsibility for their weight. I personally like to blame my weight problems on my parents, cause, well, it's easier to do that than it is to say that I was the one that made the decision to be fat. I don't remember purposely making that decision but I guess in hindsight I did a million little pizza filled times. Skinny people know this and make decisions at every turn to be responsible and healthy. They recognize that it is a choice. It's not metabolism or body set points or whatever. It's a choice and they're making it each and every moment.
7) They aren't afraid of the scale. I have a friend that weighs herself every morning and then makes decisions about her food for the day based on that number. She doesn't want to be plus or minus 3 pounds of her current weight. I used to look at her in pity. How sad to be tied to tightly to that number! What about water retention? What about life? I soooo didn't want to be her. But sticking my head in the sand wasn't a solution either. Obviously.
I'm working hard to change from the "Seven Habits of Extremely Fat People" to the "Seven Habits of Highly Effective Skinny People".
It's an effort every day. For the last 32 years, I’ve been on the fat side. Changing to the healthy side is a struggle.
But it’s doable and it is getting easier.
Losing weight is about more than just losing weight. It's about finding healthy habits and putting them into practice in my life.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
Ooooo..... shiney! Neato.
I don't know what it is about little gold stars that's so inspiring but somehow, thinking of a month filled with cool, super-shiney, sparkly gold stars does make me feel all giddy and happy.
If you're on a roll, and there is a good solid week or so of gold stars, wouldn't it be inspiring to stay on plan to continue the streak? Personally, I like uniformity so I wouldn't want to have any missing days on my calendar. That visual representation of my inability to stay on plan would, in and of itself, drive me to be focused and on plan regardless of the temptation.
So, I'm taking Holly's idea and putting it into motion for me too.
Perhaps instead of gold stars I'll splurge and get some horsey stickers or flowers or something else that makes my heart skip a beat when I see it. When I was a kid I used to love the fuzzy stickers and begged for them far too often. Hmmm... those would be fun to have around again.
Oh! I see endless sticker possibilities in my future!
Anyway, thanks for the idea, Holly!
I'm inspired today.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
Um, really? Somone offers me a nice compliment and my response has to do with something so unpleasant as fat rolling over the top of my pants (hence 'muffin top')? Really? Ick.
As soon as I said it, I wanted to stop time and then plunk each word from the air and back into my mouth before they reached Letha and Glenda's ears. REWIND!
Letha's response, "Oh. Well. I guess that's why you wear a shirt you can leave untucked!"
Isn't she just so positive?
Meanwhile I'm thinking to myself that it's such a shame that I can't seem to just accept compliments with a smile and be happy about it.
Like when someone compliments me on how much weight I've lost and how good I look. My response, "Thanks, but I still have a long way to go."
I'm so silly! Why not just leave it at "Thanks!" and be done with it?
Well, by offering up the negative, I'm defeating the compliment. I have a hard time believing too many positive things about myself. It's something I'm working on ... but every once in awhile my old brain takes back over and I lose ground, slipping back into my "Thanks, but ...." routine.
Those times are when I wish there was a freeze time, rewind option in life so that I could go back and remove everything after the initial "thanks".
It takes a lot for most people to offer compliments. I'm not sure why, but it seems that in our culture praising the good is almost a taboo thing. So, when someone does offer up a nice tidbit, I need to be gracious in my reception.
This is something I'm continuing to work on and will one day be successful at. In the meantime, if you offer me a compliment and my face gets all squishy while I force my lips closed after the "Thanks!", hopefully you'll understand and not take it too personally!
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
So, I stepped on the scales, held my breath (literally) and was wonderfully surprised to see I'm down 4.8 since last Tuesday. Not sure how or why but WUHOO! I'll take it.
I'm at 203.something. The lowest I've been thus far.
3 more pounds and I'll be below the 200s. How long has it been since I've been below 200? Hmmm... I couldn't tell you but I'm pretty darn excited to hit it again soon!
Phewie. Ok. Back on target. Focused on my goal. And ... kicking some weight-loss-butt!
Ok, if I had two wishes cause my first wish would be to be super hot and at my goal weight already but my second wish would totally be to have all sizes be uniform.
I know that we all have different body shapes and whatnot but, a size 12 should always be a size 12. A size 14 always a size 14, etc. Adjustments could be made in certain areas but perhaps there needs to be some warning as to where those adjustments are.
I just had a little mini shopping trip (thank goodness for payday!) and was so annoyed at the fit of various things. The waist on one pair of size 12's was super tight while on another it was loose and the thighs were tight. I even tried on two identical pairs of jeans (same brand, same size, same color, same fit) and yet they fit totally differently when I tried them on!
So am I a size 12 or am I not a size 12? I mean, how does one judge such things? It's so confusing.
At 300 pounds I wasn't too concerned with fit. If I could get it on and it didn't show every bump, lump, and hump, I would buy it. Nothing was truly flattering. In fact, I hardly ever tried things on before I bought them. I would fly into Lane Bryant, pick things off the shelf that looked loose and big, and would go home to try them on. Why depress myself in public when I could do it in the privacy of my own home and with easy access to the fridge to ease the pain afterwards?
Now though, I know what I want to hide and what's ok to show so I'm a bit more particular about my clothing choices. I do try everything on and I'm finding that I absolutely have to do that in order to make wise choices.
My shopping trips take way longer these days but on the upside, I'm finally buying cute clothes! The clothes I would look at and "wish" I could buy back in the day are now adorning my closet.
No more speedy Lane Bryant trips for me! I'm shopping at normal gal stores and even though not every size 12 is a true size 12, I'm still loving every minute of it!
Monday, June 8, 2009
Generally this thought whips into my mind right after I take my last bite of something super scrumptious. In this particular case, a spinach salad with nonfat ranch dressing and spicy grilled chicken.
I let myself get too hungry and, as I reach the end of my chicken salad, I'm not feeling full and satisfied which makes me want to lick the plate and continue my meal.
It's an odd thing really. On The Healthy Weigh plan and with distributing my food through the day, I hardly ever feel either extremely hungry or extremely full.
The latter was hard to get used to. I used to equate full to satisfied and thus I ate every meal until I was overly full. Like so full I'd waddle away from the restaurant. This meant I would have seconds, thirds, and fourths to fill my tummy. Of course, eating so much just made me feel sluggish. Yes, I was very fond of naps.
Now I eat in serving sizes which generally works out pretty well except on days like today where hunger seems to have gotten the best of me. I can't seem to jump in front of the hunger either.
So, I'm sitting here having finished my salad and still with a rumbly in my tumbly and thinking that licking the salad plate really would be tastey just to down a few more "on plan" calories to quiet the rumblings.
I'm resisting the urge though. Even though I have my own office, people occasionally walk by to another destination and I think it might sully my reputation if another adult were to see such behavior. Probably not the best impression to be giving my relatively new coworkers.
In the meantime, I'm off to fill my water bottle. Drinking H20 seems to be a much more socially acceptable behavior!
Sunday, June 7, 2009
Anyway, her most recent song though, is really inspiring. Have you heard it? It's called The Climb. The words are powerful. For those of us on a weight loss journey, it's a great message to keep tucked in the back of our minds.
It's not about "how fast we get there". Isn't that the truth?
I'm pasting the words here for you to read through. In addition, the video is included below. It has a horse in it so I had to post it! Except, and this is just me being picky, she's holding onto the horn and she's got her hands up to her ears with the reins ... not good! ... ok ... anyway ... most of you non-horsey people could care less so I'll move along.
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head saying,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking
but I Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's The Climb
The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I mean I know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah
Just got to keep going
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on,
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb
Keep on moving
Keep the faith baby
It's all about
It's all about
Keep the faith
Keep your faith
Saturday, June 6, 2009
It's a no-cook recipe which on hot days like this are lifesavers for me! Hope you enjoy it.
You can use fruit or vegetables. One light supper favorite: a creamy peach
soup. Blend 2 cups fruit chunks, 1 cup orange juice, and 1 cup lowfat plain
yogurt. (This serves two; double the ingredients for four.) Drizzle on a little
honey. For a filling, low-calorie twist, thicken it with vegetables, not bread
(as many traditional recipes do).
I also found a great fruit salad recipe on their site. On plan and yummy!
1 can (20 oz.) Pineapple Chunks
1 can (11 or 15 oz.) Mandarin Oranges, drained 1 large Banana, sliced
1 Kiwi fruit, peeled, halved and sliced
1 cup quartered Fresh or Frozen Strawberries
1/4 teaspoon grated lime peel (optional)
2 tablespoons fresh lime juice
1 tablespoon honey
Drain pineapple; reserve 1/4 cup juice.
Combine pineapple chunks, mandarin oranges, banana, kiwi fruit and
strawberries in large serving bowl.
Stir together reserved pineapple juice, lime peel, lime juice and honey in small bowl.
Pour over salad; toss to coat.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Cause, um, I don't know why. Holly is actually in a bit better shape than me. Maybe my trainer thought that if I made it through this one mind-blowing workout, I'd somehow be more in line with Holly upon our next workout. Yeah, um, there's not a lot of logic in that mode of thinking so who really knows what her reasoning was. I don't question. I just "do".
My half-hour workout actually ended up being a hour because I got to the gym early and needed to burn some time. I jumped on the treadmill at 3.5 for 10 minutes with a 7 incline (gonna feel that in my butt tomorrow). After that I did the rowing machine for 500 meters and the ab-thingamajiggy for 40 reps with a 7 lb ball. Then back on the treadmill for another 10 mins while I waited for the trainer.
Before she even walked in the door, I was sweating but I felt good and was thinking I'd be able to handle just about anything she threw at me. Then she said she was going to work me hard. She's never said that before. I should have been afraid. Very afraid.
My heart was about to burst out of my chest for the next 30 mins. She started with 50 bicycle kicks, 50 hip pushes, and 50 superman-something-or-others with a 7lb ball on my neck. Then ... and this is when the true torture started ... she had me do something she called "21-15-9".
I did 21 reps of each of these exercises: box jumps, burpees (worst. exercise. ever.), and dead weight lifts. Then I did 15 reps of the same exercises which was then followed by 9 reps of each. As if trying to complete the tasks wasn't torture enough, this whole thing was, of course, timed.
I made it through the workout and managed to do the full three sets in 18 mins.
At that point my arms felt like rubber. My legs were shaking. And my heart was very close to heart-attack range.
I have never ever in my life been more thankful for the cool down period.
So, tonight I'm downing ibuprofen like it's going out of style and crossing my fingers (well, I'd be crossing them if I could move them without pain shooting up my arm) that tomorrow I'll be able to move without crying out in pain.
Thankfully Carrie and I aren't walking tomorrow so I'll have at least a day to recoup. Saturday I have a hike planned and Sunday is a hike (hopefully) and/or a horse ride. Monday it's back to the regular weekly routine of a 4 mile walk at lunch and afternoon butt-kicking repeat of today's gym adventure minus the trainer.
This had soooo better make a difference on the scale!
Thursday, June 4, 2009
I generally reserve this torture for my neighbors only but I'm showing it here for a couple reasons.
1) It shows mental progress. I am still not embracing my bare arms per se, but hey, they made their debut and that is HUGE progress for me. Granted my riding mates, hikers, bikers, and some random birds were the only witnesses at the time. Baby steps, people. Baby steps.
2) It shows physical progress. Riding up into the mountains as we did on Sunday wouldn't have been comfortable or fun for me 100-some-odd pounds ago. Not to mention how my poor horsey would have felt! But here we are, loving life, enjoying the view, and looking pretty darn good given where we've come from. Plus, I'm off my horse on the trail .... and I was able to get back on without a bench, stump, or ladder. Yes, I am still amazed by that fact!
So, here you go. Me, naked arms and all.
If you look really close you can see Mt. St. Helen's through my horse (Buttons) ears.
On another note, I looked up the calories expended while horse riding on LoseIt! app and it said that riding for 5 hours (as we did on Sunday) burns 1,317 calories. Wowza! Doing something I love and exercising at the same time. How cool is that?
Truthfully, I don't know how accurate that is ... but ... I'll take it! :)
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
Yipppeeeee!!!!! She's amazing!
How cool that she hit her 50 pounds right before her wedding. She's going to look FABULOUS in her wedding dress and truly be FLAB-u-less .. heehee!
Well done, my friend. You rock!
Selfishly speaking though, it puts me in a workout quandary. Holly and I generally workout together at the gym on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays. In addition, we sometimes schedule in a hike on the weekends.
But this week that isn't possible. Holly is in the midst of a wedding whirlwind and that means she's not able to join me at the gym this week and I'll need to schedule in my own gym time ... alone ... just me ... with some headphones ... by myself.
Walking is a bit different story. I love Carrie's company during the week on our walks and I really look forward to our chats (sure makes the walks go by sooo much faster!), but if for some reason she can't make it, I somehow (just barely) manage to get my butt out and about. Perhaps being in the outdoors makes a difference.
Going to the gym alone though somehow seems unbareable and thus the prefect reason not to go.
I think it's because I don't feel as comfortable in a gym. I mean, someone there might actually see me exercise and sweat or something. Eeek! Scary!
I'm gonna do it though. I'm sticking to my regular schedule and gonna drag my butt down there three times this week. I'll miss Holly a lot cause we generally giggle and talk about as much as we workout. That makes the workout go by so much faster too!
So, I'm taking my own advice and downloading some new music to get me motivated. Perhaps with some new beats I'll be more enthused about the workout. Maybe. Hopefully.
Regardless, I'm going to work hard and get 'er done!
I'll miss you though, Holly!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
After talking with Letha, here's my completion goal.
After reflecting on this, I think that sounds manageable.
Weight: 157 pounds
Date: Nov. 6th.
Total Lost: 150 pounds
At first though, when we were talking about the total amount I still needed to lose (eek! 50 more pounds!) and the date (eek! not until nov 6th?) I was kinda freakin' a bit.
After losing over 100 pounds, 50 more seemed daunting. It seemed like I'd never ever be finished with this little (or not so little) project. Having to continue on with my diet plan until Nov. 6th seemed horrendous. I wanted to eat more starch darn it! I didn't want to be on a diet that long! I didn't wanna be dieting for the rest of my life and Nov. 6th seemed like it was going to take the rest of my life to get too! Seriously? Did I have to do this? How come I couldn't just lose it faster? Huh? Huh? Yes, I think I even stamped my foot for emphasis.
I have a flair for the dramatic.
But let's stop and think about this rationally for a second.
The truth is that when I complete this total goal and weigh 157 pounds by Nov. 6th, I will have lost all of my weight (150 pounds total) in a year and two weeks. Originally I was going to only lose 100 pounds in a year so adding on another 50 is a bonus. I will still be finished in a year (give or take a week or two). That's more than reasonable.
This time will go by whether or not I'm working on my weight loss goal so the question I asked myself is this:
Do I want to have Friday, Nov. 6th roll around and be upset because I didn't hit my weight loss goal? How would that feel? I know I'd be depressed, upset, angry, miserable, and most likely reaching for something yummy to take those feelings away.
Or, do I want to reach Friday, Nov. 6th and have a big celebration on that day because I'm offically at my goal weight? How would that feel? I'd be elated, empowered, strong, accomplished, exhuberant, and happy.
That could be an awesome Friday for me mentally. I could be making a huge transition from a dieter to a stablizer. Heehee! That makes me downright giddy!
Ok, so this is doable. I just need to keep ticking off the pounds one at a time. Ounce by ounce, pound by pound. As long as I'm going down, I'm in the right direction.
It's time to buckle down, imagine the size 8 me, and keep my eyes peeled for Nov. 6th.
It's gonna be here before I know it!
Monday, June 1, 2009
The app is called LoseIt! by FitNow (the icon is an orange scale) and it's FREE!
I've been using it for a couple days now and it's great. Almost all the foods I eat have been in the database and if they're not I can input the information so it's there for future use. It also has info on restaurants, recipes, etc. and I can easily add foods that I routinely eat by going to a section called My Foods ... this last tidbit sure does save a lot of search time!
Another cool trick, on the "...more" option at the bottom of the screen, you can select "Nutrient Preferences". From there, you can turn on the nutrient information display so that it will give you information on your intake of fat, saturated fat, cholesterol, sodium, carb, fiber, and protein.
I can input my exercise amounts as well and it will tell me approximately how many calories I've burned. Kind of puts it all in perspective when I go walk at a brisk pace for an hour and only burn 275 calories! That doesn't seem like very much for that much energy and sweat expended!!!
But anyway, I digress.
I'm sure there are similar apps for other phones so take a peek around and see what you might find. You might be surprised at the tools that are right at your fingertips for free!