I feel sometimes that I'm a little piece on a board game and the person "playing" me is winning so all is good. Suddenly, from out of no where, the giant dog (Personally, I picture a white labradoodle cause I have a crazy one at home that does stuff like this) comes racing through the living room, bumping the coffee table and sending the game board, me and all my buddies into a free fall to the floor.
Today, I'm on the floor.
I could list all the things that are pulling me down but then I would be whining and I know no one likes a whiner!
I will say that yesterday I went off plan.
First of all, I was up 1.8 pounds on Thursday morning despite being down almost four pounds on Tuesday. I blame this on two things; 1) Being a woman (darn Mother Nature!) and all that womanly stuff that happens way too often and 2) exercising my buns off at the gym (darn trainer!). I'm trying hard not to beat myself up too badly about the weight gain but I did let it sit in my brain longer than was necessary.
I allowed that added weight, coupled with my current emotional whirlwind, to throw me off balance and unsettle me for the day.
I had a work thing and ended up indulging in the Parmesan ouzo with cheesecake for dessert. It was a catered lunch and I had made a choice not to bring my lunch with me to the event which normally I would have done so as to stay on plan. But I went unprepared. I made a choice to consume the food. And thus I must move on.
I am gearing up for another hard weekend emotionally as things with my grandpa continue to decline. I'm travelling North to be with family again.
Even though I went a little off course yesterday, I'm refusing to let the rest of the weekend follow suit.
I will not be up again on Tuesday.
I could use this time as an excuse to be as "off plan" as I wanted to be and in the past, that would have been the route I'd have taken.
Now though I have a hard time believing that going off plan would solve any of my problems.
In fact, the only thing I feel right now after indulging in rich foods yesterday, is sick to my stomach as I've not had food like that in literally ages.
So, to get prepared for the weekend ahead, I talked with Glenda and Letha ... cause you know, they've got goooood suggestions! With their guidance, here's the coping list that I'm going to follow to a "T".
1) Control List: Since at the moment I'm feeling a bit out of control, I'm going to make a list of 7 - 10 things that I can control. #1 on the list, food and my eating.Despite a minor trip-up yesterday, I plan to succeed this weekend. Following the list above will help me stay focused.
2) Journal: Journal. Journal. And then think about journaling yet again. (Ok, ok, I get it!)
3) Plan ahead: Pack lunches, snacks, and other things that will help me stay focused and on plan.
4) Nurturing: Find something that fills me up and thoroughly enjoy doing it at some point this weekend. This could be a hot bath with some candles, a good magazine, and some flavored water in a fancy glass (just say "no" to wine!) but since I don't have a tub that will be a little hard for me. Instead, I'm thinking some quiet time in the barn with my horses. Just them and me in a calm, relaxing, grooming session. That always fills me up and leaves me feeling relaxed and peaceful. Ultimately, this will help me find some ray of sunshine in the midst of all the rain.
5) Rewards: At the end of this weekend, when I've successfully come through it on plan and emotionally focused, have a reward lined up. This reward will not be food related but instead be something that will continue to nurture and fill me up emotionally.
And with that, I'm off to start my homework.