Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Change is Happening ... Right?

It's another rough "being good" day even though I'm armed with my snacks, healthy lunch, and THW "brain" tools.

Gooey Pizza, crispy tater tots, wine, beer, cheesy omelet with tomato's and green pepper, cheesecake, chocolate all seem to be floating through my head.

My brain is protesting, literally kicking and screaming, because I keep telling it "no" to the afore mentioned list.

That little brain keeps telling me the lie that my body has come to a screeching weight loss halt. The pounds aren't rushing to exit by any means necessary. Instead, they are taking their time, packing their luggage, telling their friends goodbye, throwing a party, loitering by the door ... and maybe sorta not thinking of leaving after all.

It's telling me that eventually those pounds will just flat out refuse to leave so why not eat whatever now instead of depraving myself of the satisfaction.

As I fully recognize and freely admit, I am not one that has a lot of patience. So when my brain points out such things to me, I take it in and then get annoyed and discouraged.

I WANT CHANGE NOW! This week. This instant. This moment.

I want to fit into those itty-bitty jeans, be at my goal weight, feel confident all the time, and be healthy, happy, and whole.

Now that I've added workouts to my plan, I'm finding that my weight loss is actually slowing down a bit. I'm sure it's because my body is readjusting and reshaping ... I can see differences in how my clothes are fitting.

But, that doesn't help me when I want to see the numbers go down too. In fact, at this point, I'm so fixated on the number and pounds, that I'm on the edge of obsessive. I want so badly to hit 100 pounds that I'm adding all sorts of insane pressure and anxiety to the process for absolutely no good reason other than ... I WANT IT!

So, with that, I absolutely must find a way to shut my own darn self up and get out of my own darn way.

I think it's time to fill up my water bottle and as I do I'll be repeating to myself over and over (and over and over) ... Change is happening.

Change is happening.

Change is happening.

(One more time with feeling) Change is happening.

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