Saturday, April 25, 2009

Feeling My Weight

95 pounds is a lot to lose and although conceptually I know that, it's still hard for me to really grasp how much weight that is.

I shared my struggles of "making it real" with Glenda and she suggested I go to the grocery store and literally pick up and throw over my shoulder two fifty pound bags of dog food. Then (this is the kicker) walk up and down the aisle with them to feel that weight on my body again. Even though I have hay bales and grain bags at home, she thought it would be worthwhile for me to attempt this effort outside of my element.

I giggled when she suggested it - just as you are probably giggling now - because I could just see the funny looks I'd get for trying such a thing. I also had visions of dog food bags falling to the floor and dog food then exploding in all directions throughout the store. Since I kinda like to "blend" in public, I didn't think this little activity was really my cup-of-tea.

However, the next time I was at Safeway filling up the cart, I got brave and decided to give it a try. I mean, why should I care what those people think, right? I needed to "feel" my weight, darn it!

Ok, so the truth was that the aisle was clear and I figured since no one was around I could at least make an attempt just in case Glenda asked me later if I'd tried it. I didn't want to have to tell her no!

I struggled with the first bag, tossed it over my shoulder, and then bent down to pick up the second which resulted in bag one falling to the floor in a loud crash. No exploding dog food, but it was quite loud and I'm sure my face turned about 20 shades of red even if no one was around to see it.

On my second attempt to heft them over my shoulders, I was successful. Holy cow! I staggered away from the cart, weaving like a drunken sailor under the weight, and used every ounce of strength I had to not to crash into the cans of cat food on either side of the aisle. At the end, I did an about-face and made my way back to the cart.

As I stammered, struggled, and fought to stay upright under the weight, the thought that hit me was, oh my god, how in the world did I ever live with this much weight on my body! How did I function? No wonder I was tired all the time.

As I dropped (literally cause I was tired and at that point didn't care about crashing noises) the two bags onto the floor by the cart, I thought; "I'm free."

And isn't that the truth!

3 comments:

  1. Wendy you are such an inspiration

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  2. Amen Sister - That is the truth! I tried the exact same thing with two 45lb plates at the gym....it was exhausting to say the least...and so freeing to drop them when I didn't want to carry them anymore. There is such freedom in knowing that weight isn't ours anymore!

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