Friday, April 24, 2009

The "Couldn't & Wouldn't" List

Perhaps that's too negative of a title for such a positive list but somehow it's what stuck in my brain.

Anyway, a couple pounds ago, I started a "Couldn't & Wouldn't" list. This list is something I'm using to motivate and inspire myself. It's a reminder of where I've come from and also where I'm going.

I keep this list on my fridge and now on this blog. Can you imagine how long this list will be at the end of this journey? Wow! That will be cool! I can't wait to see what's going to make the list next!

95(ish) Pounds Ago

.... I would have rewarded myself with a pizza instead of a walk around Battle Ground Lake with my dog, Noodle.

.... I couldn't get on my horses without a bench, stool, stump, tailgate, or other means of a "lift"

.... I didn't realize how fast my horses could canter. With me down 95 pounds, they are little speed demons! We're gonna be rockin' it by the time I reach goal! I love it.

.... I didn't have energy to do anything after work but sit on the couch, eat, and watch TV.

.... The word "workout" wasn't in my vocabulary and when others mentioned it, I got all panicked and out of breath and had to end the conversation abruptly before I hyperventilated. I hated sweating.

.... The airplane seats were tight, cramped, and the seat belt just barely fit. I had to struggle to get it snapped. Not anymore! I can fly the little Horizon jets and stay in my space! No more spilling into my neighbor.

.... Speaking of trips, I hated walking through the airport because even that little bit of excursion made me hot and my feet hurt. I can now do it in heels without huffing and puffing.

.... I never would have thought of riding a mountain bike up a steep hill or out on a trail. Heck, I wouldn't have even wanted to sit on a mountain bike because I would have been worried the tires would go flat.

.... I never would have joined three hiking groups and signed up for my first hike with people I DID know let alone a bunch of people I DIDN'T know.

.... I wouldn't have dared get off my horse anywhere on a trail. How would I have gotten back up without either the horse or me falling sideways?

.... I couldn't walk up my hilly driveway from the barn without being out of breath. Now I sometimes throw in a random jog up the hill "just because".

.... I wouldn't have gone for a walk at lunch by myself ... or with anyone else for that matter. I wouldn't have wanted anyone to know how out of breath I was just walking at a normal pace on a flat stretch.

.... I wouldn't have pushed myself to go up the hardest and longest hill I could find not just once but three times and sometimes even go a fourth time.

.... I wouldn't have signed up for a Team Challenge where others might know my weight.

.... I wouldn't have published my weight on a blog.

.... I wouldn't have bought a pair of shorts and planned to wear them in front of other people.

.... I couldn't cross my legs without lifting one leg by hand and literally pulling it over to the other leg and then struggling and not breathing so that I could hold it in position so it wouldn't pop back up and hit the person in front of me in the face.

..... I didn't have a full length mirror in my house and turned my head the opposite direction when passing one in public. In fact, all mirrors were avoided unless it was a complete necessity (like make-up or hair). But today, I added a full length mirror to my shopping list. Yeah me!

..... I wouldn't look strangers in the eye.

..... I wouldn't talk with random people in the grocery line, post office, street, etc. I was too ashamed of myself and didn't want them to see me. I just wanted to blend.

..... I would never have looked forward to waking up at 5:00 in the morning so that I could fit a workout into my schedule. In fact, I used to have a hard time getting up at 8:00.

..... Drinking water ... huh? There was a such thing as water? Couldn't I just drink Coke (not even diet), wine, beer and fruit juice? Yeah, now I'm drinking 1/2 my body weight in water each day. Wowza. Yes, I pee a lot. TMI? Sorry, I did warn you though ... brutally honest. That's me.

.... I couldn't resist the burgers, fries, pizza's, and deserts at a party or restaurant. After all, I deserved to eat that stuff ... or so I thought.

..... I couldn't say "no" to others or to myself without feeling like less of a person.

.... I would let excuses rule my life.

.... I truly, 100% was not being the BEST me I could be.

How about you? How do you see your life changing as you lose weight? What things will you be able to do that you can't (or won't) do now?


  1. Those are significant accomplishments and so honest of you. All things people think of themselves at times, but aren't willing to admit. Admitting them sure has made a difference for you. You're AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!

  2. Thanks, Cheryl!

    I do think that admitting some of this stuff has made a huge difference in my life. When I was 307 pounds I didn't want to think about these things because then I would get upset with myself and it started my downward cycle all over again.

    But now, admitting to it, moving past it, and then celebrating the changes has been one of the best and most self-motivating parts of this journey.

    Each time I find a new "couldn't & wouldn't" and add it to the list, it's a little boost and I get re-energized all over again!

  3. I love this...have you ever thought about being a weight loss counselor?? :-)

  4. Thats an awesome list and will only get better for you. I know exactly what you are talking about on alot of them - not getting off your horse for anything on the trail cause you may not be able to get back on, never thinking of riding a Mtn bike up a steep hill or on the trail I let me horse pack me up instead(poor guy). what a great idea for motivation - I am going to start one this weekend to ad to as I go! and I was thinking the same thing - you should consider being a counselor - motivator - you rock!

  5. Weight loss counselor ... hmmm .... well ... although I'm flattered that you guys are motiviated by my words, I think I'll leave that to the experts like Letha and Glenda! They have way more knowledge in such things than I do. I'm just a blogger that's relating my stories as I go along.

    Plus, stumbling is inevitable and it sure will be a lot easier to handle if I'm not considered an expert. :)


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