A Gummy Situation

I've become a bit of a gum connoisseur. Frankly, some might call me a gum snob but connoisseur sounds so much more appealing so let's go with that instead.

Much like a wine connoisseur, a gum connoisseur knows which brands taste the best, hold their flavor the longest, and how to avoid something that's aged past it's prime.

I prefer to pick up my gum at gas stations. For some reason, I've found that they have the freshest and widest selection of flavors. The best gas station to hit happens to be right on my way to work in the mornings and I've been known to stop in there on more than one occasion to load up on packs to get me through the week.

As I've been losing weight, gum has been a staple in my purse. It's what I reach for when my brain starts thinking of sugar or carbs or whatever else might pass through unexpectedly. So, I keep about four or five packs of gum in my purse ~ all in different flavors.

I've found that spearmint and bubble gum are my favorites when I'm craving comfort food like pizza and mac and cheese. When I was kid, these were the two flavors my grandma had at her house and it was a "treat" to get them so it's pretty easy to trick my little brain into thinking it's getting "treated" to comfort food when really it's just sugarless bubble gum. Oh the things we tell ourselves, right?

I love how many different flavors of gum there are though. Extra has some amazing combos out there that can cure most any sweet tooth craving. My personal fav is island cooler. It's like a tropical smoothie with only 5 calories. Seriously, can you beat that?

My staple is Trident White in purple. It holds great flavor for the longest amount of time and I also feel special when I chew it 'cause I think I'm whitening my teeth (yeah, again, amazing what we tell ourselves, isn't it?).

And, if you didn't know, gum does go bad. Even sugarless gum gets hard and icky so when I go to purchase gum, I always give the pieces a squeeze test to make sure that they are pliable.

I know this might all seem a bit over the top, but hey, if it helps hold off one craving, I'm going to keep chugging ahead.

Plus, I've only made it half way through the gum racks at my gas station so there's gum chewing work to be done! I've made it my mission to try all the available flavors and brands so that I can truly own the gum connoisseur title.

Turning It Around - Starting With the Tapes

I recognize when I'm saying negative things to myself which, in and of itself, I need to congratulate myself for. I mean, I didn't even know that I practiced negative self talk back in the day. I knew I wasn't happy with myself, but I couldn't tell you why or what I was saying to myself to reinforce that negativity.

These days, I do recognize it. I know just as soon as the negative thought enters my head. I'm more aware. I also know what I need to do to turn it around and not let it overwhelm and throw me off track.

But, as we all know, knowing and doing are two very different things.

These last couple days I'm finding that it's easier and easier to identify the behavior and yet harder and harder to turn it around.

I don't know what makes the difference from one day to the next and why sometimes it's so hard to make a decision and cut yourself off from any other possibilities. It just is.

I'm ready and willing to commit to pulling through this last little bit and therefore have to get my head in order. So I'm starting with the negative self talk.

As soon as I recognize a negative thought, instead of letting it reside in my brain, I'm going to offer up a positive thought about myself instead.

So it will work something like this.

Thought: "I will never finish this and lose the rest of this weight."
Response: "I will absolutely lose this weight and I will be happier person because I've accomplished my goal."

Thought: "I am not worth the effort it takes to see this through."
Response: "I am worth the effort it takes to be happy, healthy, and content. Therefore, I'm worth this effort."

Thought: "I've already lost 120 and am still not happy with myself. I then know that I won't be happy with myself even after another 30 pounds."
Response: "I do feel different after 120 pounds. I'm more confident, secure, and happier. I know that another 30 pounds will only add to that confidence, security and happiness."

So, you get the idea. I need to say these things out loud to myself when the negativity starts to creep in.

If I can start by combating the negative self-talk, then I think I might have a chance of turning this thing around.

Crossfit Challenge - Am I crazy?

I'm all about the attempted motivation these days. Where do I find it? How do I keep going? How do I challenge myself to complete the journey?

One of the things I've really taken solace in is my crossfit workouts. I love them. Oh, boy. That was strong terminology.

Truthfully I hate them but I love them all at the same time. It's hard to get to the class and it's even harder to complete the workouts. But, what I love and why I keep doing it, is that I am seeing changes in my body shape and I'm actually getting better and better at the various activities.

Keeping all of this in mind, when my trainer suggested I participate in a Crossfit Challenge ... (please be sitting down for this next little announcement) .... I actually accepted!

Shocking.

Shocking because I would never ever ever (ever ever) have walked into any kind of gym at 300 pounds let alone agreed to participate in a challenge with a lot of people I didn't know. Really? Me? Be sweaty and potentially unable to complete an exercise in front of others? Really? No freakin' way. I liked to hide. I did it well.

Yet here I am all signed up with the check successfully in the mail to get me confirmed. I'm doing it.

I'm on a mission. I'm on a mission to work my little (or soon to be little) hinny off so that I can do well at this challenge. I have no expectation that I'll win but I'd like at the very least not to embarrass the begeezers outta myself in front of oodles of other crossfitters.

I am setting the expectation that I'll be doing my own personal best that day. No matter the activity, I'll give it 110% and I'll come away from the challenge feeling fit, strong, and accomplished.

With that, it's time to hit the gym!

Let's Get Real

Ok blogger buddies. It's time to get real. Time to open up and pour out so that I can officially move on.

I've been avoiding my blog. Obviously. I mean, like I can't even pretend to hide that little tidbit because ... well ... if I'm not writing ... I'm obviously avoiding. Obviously.

The reason for the avoidance? I'm just not into the whole diet thing these days. I'm tired, bored, unenthusiastic and those horrible negative self tapes are running rampant through my brain. The thing is that over the last couple weeks I've been letting them win instead of booting them out the door.

Honestly, I'm not sure why but I can't seem to put them behind me. I hit my year mark and 30 pounds left to lose and suddenly the world stopped. Literally. Did you feel it? Ok, ok so perhaps just my world stopped.

Let me tell you though, those negative self-tapes are destructive. I'm hearing things like "even if I lose this weight, I'll never be beautiful so why bother finishing this?" and "even if I lose this last 30 pounds, that doesn't mean I'll be successful at keeping it off, so why even bother?" and "just one teeny tiny piece of candy won't hurt me" followed by "well, I already cheated today so why even bother the rest of the day?".

Oh boy. See the trend?

With all of this turmoil, I've not really been gaining. In fact, through all this wishywashyness I've actually done quite a good job of maintaining. Up just a little. Down just a little. But sticking pretty close to where I have been over the last month or two.

And even though I know why I'm not losing, I'm depressed by the fact that I'm not. What a catch-22! I'm sabotaging myself and yet I'm annoyed with the fact that I'm not losing. Oh goodness. What a vicious cycle this whole weight thing is.

At the moment, I'm not 100% sure how to bring myself back in line. I'm working on it each day and I'm hoping that by being honest in my blog, I'll be better able to push through. I'm waking up with renewed energy and focus, writing down my foods, keeping up on my workout routine, and setting goals for myself at each turn.

I realize that I need to see this through and that if I can manage through this low, I'll come out stronger and more capable than before.

It's a matter of doing and persevering.

Head down. Nose to the grindstone. Focus. Determination.

I'm repeating that to myself over and over these days in hopes it brings me the resolve that I need to complete this journey.

Melba Moments

Hi, my name is Wendy and I'm a starch-aholic.

I freely admit that if it's made of flour, wheat, dough, or some other such thing I'll most likely love it. Cover it in cheese and I'll probably battle you for it.

Before I started this diet, every meal consisted of large amounts of starch. Starch, and cheese, were my staples. I'd have cereal and toast for breakfast followed by spaghetti or mac & cheese for lunch. Dinner was pizza. That was the routine.

I think that was largely due to the fact that I grew up a vegetarian and therefore didn't truly learn to consume proper amounts of protein. In our house, we substituted the starch for the protein.

But that's all in the past. I now limit my starch intake to two servings per day while increasing the protein that my body craves.

The problem is, my mind still craves the starch!

My issue of late has been with melba snacks. I know. I know. Sad really. It's a sign of a true dieter when someone says they're craving melba snacks.

Regardless, that's been my issue. 7 crackers are a serving. 7 ... teeny ... tiny ... crackers. 1 serving.

Torture.

I think melba snacks should come with a label: "Dieters BEWARE! No one can eat just one."

As a starch lover and dieter, there is something so divine about a crispy cracker. I eat them and I tend to forget how many I've already had. So, naturally, I just keep eating them!

Since I'm really trying to battle off my last 30 pounds, I can not continue to let starch derail my progress.

So, my solution is to practice self control. I'm still buying the melba snacks but as soon as I get them home, I'm dividing them into baggies each with one serving. I'm putting into practice my own form of portion control.

And it's working.

I'm happy to report that this week I'm keeping my starch intake directly at 2 servings per day. Granted, it's only Tuesday, but hey, for a reformed starch-aholic, this is progress and therefore is cause for celebration!

Where is Wendy?

Hey, everyone, just a quick post today to let you know I haven't completely forgotten about my blogging duties. Life got a little hectic last week and then I got sick (yucky) so I didn't do much of anything.

I'm back on top of things this week and will have lots to write about in the next couple days.

As an aside, I took last week off from my workouts too so I'm nervous that the scale will not be kind to me. Being sick, not getting all my water, not keeping up the workouts ... hmmmm... not sure how this will play out. I'm so thankful though that now I'm back on target for the week. I plan to wog with Carrie at noon and then will be hitting the gym almost every day this week. I see some sore muscles in my future.

In the meantime, I hope all my blogging buddies are doing great!

A Picture A Day

My trainer, Madison, has a great idea that I thought would be kinda fun to share here for the rest of my dieting buddies. She suggested that we not only write down our food, but actually take a photo of it as well.

We all (or at least we're supposed to) be writing down our food intake throughout the day to keep ourselves on track. In fact, that's the challenge this week for THW's Team Challenge .... complete our food journals and bring them in for a chance to win something cool.

So I thought Madison's idea of a food photo-log was a neat one. Somehow, it makes it seem so much more real to see a picture of the foods and quantities I eat. My camera phone would certainly do the trick. I could snap a quick picture and catalog my intake as well as write it all down.

Hmmm.... would taking a picture of the meal make me prepare it differently? I know I'd be a lot more concerned about preparation and serving. I'd use my nice dishes, put out a placement, and maybe even break out a REAL cloth napkin because ... well ... someone at some point in the distant future might actually see those pictures and I certainly wouldn't want them to think I was sloppy in my food displaymanship!

The reality is that I should be making mealtime about more than just the food and doing all those things anyway. There's something special about eating on nice dishes and using a frilly napkin. Silly, but come on, it's true. Eating should be about the prep, the process, and the enjoyment of a healthy tidbit. Using nice dishes and napkins should be the norm and not just the exception 'cause "someone might be watching".

Hmmm... the thought of a food photo journal is inspiring and gets me motivated to step it up a notch.

Perhaps you will all now be seeing pictures of my food intake ... hmmm.... that would definitely mean I'd been stepping it up a notch!

In the meantime, I encourage you to do the same. Snap a couple shots and email them to me so that I can post here for our readers. We're dieting but we're still eating good too, right? Let's show it off!