Did anyone catch the special on CBS last night regarding 9/11? It was incredible. It showed footage of the actual firefighters in the world trade centers are they scrambled to save lives. There were so many times during that documentary that I was crying. I was particularly struck by the amount of time it took these firefighters to climb the stairs. They were weighted down with 60 pounds of gear (hoses, jackets, boots, etc.) and obviously the elevators weren't working. On average, it would take them over a minute to climb just one flight of stairs. The plane crashed into the 78th floor. Wow. That's sickening and humbling.
I thought of the physical strength it would take for these guys to climb as far as they did. When the mayday went out after the first tower fell, some of the guys were on the 30-something-ish floor and had to rush down to save their own lives. I know it might seem trivial to think of myself and personalize this but I did ... cause I was thinking of how I'd feel after climbing 30-something-ish flights with 60 pounds of gear only to be told I needed to run back down or die. I know right now I wouldn't have been able to make it to the 10th floor let alone the 30th floor.
Anyway, my good friends uncle was a firefighter and he died on 9/11. He was an incredible man and I thought of him often while watching this documentary.
Yesterday's ceremonies and remembrances put a few things in perspective for me and brought up some old demons regarding purpose and worth.
When they were interviewing the firefighters that survived, I couldn't help but see a stark difference between those that bounced back and become stronger and those that allowed themselves to continue to be victims. For those that continued to be victims, I felt additional sorrow. They could have used this tragedy to make the world a better place as several others truly did (and that was VERY inspiring to see, by the way) but instead they themselves were victims of the tragedy by turning to alcohol or other things to hide their guilt at having survived. On the show, they called it survivors guilt. They came through one of the most incredible situations alive and they felt guilty for doing so. Wow.
It's amazing to me what we do to ourselves. Our self-inflected pain leaves just as much damage on our lives as the evil actions of others.
The power of our thinking is incredible and that was amazing to see in this documentary. Perhaps we haven't all lived through the tragedies these firefighters did ... but we've all lived through our own tragedies that seem just as real and painful. I guess it's up to us whether or not we'll let our thinking continue to further victimize us or if we'll rise above, come back stronger, and use our experience to change the lives of others for the better. I for one want to rise above. It's a challenge, but one I'm going to tackle one day at a time.
Anyway, if anyone wants to watch the episode, it's available here. It's sad, raw, and yet there is inspiration and introspection to be found.
9/11 Never Forgotten. Forever Grateful. Truly.
Monday, September 12, 2011
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Wonderful One-derland
I'm thrilled to report that I'm finally back in One-derland and it's an awesome place to be.
I've waffled (perhaps a poor choice of words) back and forth between being elated to be back in the land of the 100's and being annoyed that I ever got into the terrible 200's again.
Today though, I'm resolved to be thankful for the lessons and progress and celebrate the fact that I'm becoming the person I was always meant to be.
Lessons are learned in all phases of life and this phase has been incredibly valuable.
I'm making a public vow as of right now that I will never, ever, never, ever be in the 200's again. I'm realizing that I'm worth awesome things and that includes being healthy, happy, and fit.
I'm doing the Spring Team Challenge (TC) at The Healthy Weigh and am so excited about the next 10 weeks. The first goal in my TC journey is being below 200 again. The second goal will be getting to my lowest weight as of yet which would be 188. And, from there, I'll charge forward to my third goal which is to lose at least 30 pounds in this 10 week timeframe.
In the meantime, I'm dreaming up all sorts of awesome rewards for myself for getting below 200. It needs to be a big reward. This needs to be something I remember and can hold onto ... something tangible. Ideas are welcome!
One-derland is WONDERFUL!
I've waffled (perhaps a poor choice of words) back and forth between being elated to be back in the land of the 100's and being annoyed that I ever got into the terrible 200's again.
Today though, I'm resolved to be thankful for the lessons and progress and celebrate the fact that I'm becoming the person I was always meant to be.
Lessons are learned in all phases of life and this phase has been incredibly valuable.
I'm making a public vow as of right now that I will never, ever, never, ever be in the 200's again. I'm realizing that I'm worth awesome things and that includes being healthy, happy, and fit.
I'm doing the Spring Team Challenge (TC) at The Healthy Weigh and am so excited about the next 10 weeks. The first goal in my TC journey is being below 200 again. The second goal will be getting to my lowest weight as of yet which would be 188. And, from there, I'll charge forward to my third goal which is to lose at least 30 pounds in this 10 week timeframe.
In the meantime, I'm dreaming up all sorts of awesome rewards for myself for getting below 200. It needs to be a big reward. This needs to be something I remember and can hold onto ... something tangible. Ideas are welcome!
One-derland is WONDERFUL!
Friday, April 15, 2011
I'm Learning
Today is one of those days when I didn't want to get out of bed, I wasn't thrilled to go into the office, and I had every single excuse in the book as to why I shouldn't and couldn't go on my regular walk. I was even making excuses about food and thinking up off plan options like coffee treats from Starbucks (think scones) and/or a drive through lunch.
These are the kinds of days when being on plan is even more important. These kind of days are the ones that teach me things about myself and my abilities. These days teach and I (hopefully) learn.
After much battling with myself over the whole walking thing, when finally did step out the door, my mind instantly went negative. Ugh! Rain! AGAIN (we've had rain literally 60 days straight!)! Those thoughts and my icky attitude made putting each foot in front of the other a complete struggle. My legs didn't want to move and when I glanced down at my iphone to see my pace, I was embarrassed to see a measly 15.25 MPH on the screen. I could do better. I needed to do better. I mean, why be out there in the pouring rain if I wasn't going to actually burn those icky calories???? Wouldn't that be a complete waste of this time?
So put all my energy into my steps and repeated to myself over and over "I'm learning today and I want to learn to do this right." A few minutes later I looked down at my iPhone for the current pace. 12:45 MPH. Much better!
It's amazing what our thought life can do for or against us. Today isn't over and I've found myself struggling with cravings this afternoon but I just keep going back to those words I repeated to myself on the walk. "I'm learning today and I want to learn to do this right."
It's helping me resist the doughnuts in the kitchen. I can do this. Weigh in is on Tuesday and I'm going to be below 200 but only if I stay focused.
And I will because I'm learning.
These are the kinds of days when being on plan is even more important. These kind of days are the ones that teach me things about myself and my abilities. These days teach and I (hopefully) learn.
After much battling with myself over the whole walking thing, when finally did step out the door, my mind instantly went negative. Ugh! Rain! AGAIN (we've had rain literally 60 days straight!)! Those thoughts and my icky attitude made putting each foot in front of the other a complete struggle. My legs didn't want to move and when I glanced down at my iphone to see my pace, I was embarrassed to see a measly 15.25 MPH on the screen. I could do better. I needed to do better. I mean, why be out there in the pouring rain if I wasn't going to actually burn those icky calories???? Wouldn't that be a complete waste of this time?
So put all my energy into my steps and repeated to myself over and over "I'm learning today and I want to learn to do this right." A few minutes later I looked down at my iPhone for the current pace. 12:45 MPH. Much better!
It's amazing what our thought life can do for or against us. Today isn't over and I've found myself struggling with cravings this afternoon but I just keep going back to those words I repeated to myself on the walk. "I'm learning today and I want to learn to do this right."
It's helping me resist the doughnuts in the kitchen. I can do this. Weigh in is on Tuesday and I'm going to be below 200 but only if I stay focused.
And I will because I'm learning.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
I'm Still Here!
I'm so thankful for Katie J ... She's the bug in my ear and reminds me when it's been awhile and I need to post. I do tend to get busy, living life, and forget to update my blogging buddies on my progress. How dare I!
The truth is that life is GREAT right now. I lost 38 pounds in the team challenge and since it ended I'm down another 4 pounds. I'm currently 200.3 and can't wait to break back through to One-der-land! It's going to happen this Tuesday. I know it!
I'm doing the Spring Team Challenge and that will help keep me honest and on target. I'm wearing all my "old" clothes again and am back to feeling like I can do this whole weight loss thing.
With 42 pounds gone, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I can reach my ultimate goal. I want to be 157. That's another 43.3 pounds. I soooooo got this in me and I'm charging ahead.
For the first time in my weight loss history, I know there's a 157 pound girl in inside me. Up until now, I've doubted I could get there because I'd never been that small and really couldn't even fathom what that would feel like.
Well folks, I still don't fully understand what it will be like but I know it will feel amazing! If I feel this good at 200, how in the world will I feel when I'm at 157? I'll be confident. Secure. Accomplished. Successful. Those are words I never would have used to describe myself but I see them within my grasp as I get closer and closer to my ultimate goal.
The new team challenge kicks off next week and I'm READY! Could I lose another 38 pounds in this challenge? SURE! Why not? If I'm focused, on plan, and determined (as I am), I can accomplish anything!
The truth is that life is GREAT right now. I lost 38 pounds in the team challenge and since it ended I'm down another 4 pounds. I'm currently 200.3 and can't wait to break back through to One-der-land! It's going to happen this Tuesday. I know it!
I'm doing the Spring Team Challenge and that will help keep me honest and on target. I'm wearing all my "old" clothes again and am back to feeling like I can do this whole weight loss thing.
With 42 pounds gone, I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I can reach my ultimate goal. I want to be 157. That's another 43.3 pounds. I soooooo got this in me and I'm charging ahead.
For the first time in my weight loss history, I know there's a 157 pound girl in inside me. Up until now, I've doubted I could get there because I'd never been that small and really couldn't even fathom what that would feel like.
Well folks, I still don't fully understand what it will be like but I know it will feel amazing! If I feel this good at 200, how in the world will I feel when I'm at 157? I'll be confident. Secure. Accomplished. Successful. Those are words I never would have used to describe myself but I see them within my grasp as I get closer and closer to my ultimate goal.
The new team challenge kicks off next week and I'm READY! Could I lose another 38 pounds in this challenge? SURE! Why not? If I'm focused, on plan, and determined (as I am), I can accomplish anything!
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Tuesday Weigh In
Good news today at the weigh in. I'd hoped to lose 5 pounds this week and was down 4.8 on the scale. Wuhoo! I'm now over 30 pounds of weight lost in the last 9 weeks! I'm so happy about that! I've got another 15 to lose before I'm at my lowest and that's within my reach if I stay focused, strong, and determined.
The cravings are still there but I find that each time I get tempted with something off plan, I instead think about those clothes hanging in my closet that I've never been able to get into. Getting into them again is within my reach. It's attainable and doable to get back into those clothes and also need NEW clothes! New, smaller clothes I mean!
The team challenge finale will be next week and I'm hoping for another 5 lbs of loss by Thursday. I can do it!
I'm gearing up for the 2 week break between the challenge by already being focused on the end goal and not the "break". There is no break if I want to get to my goals. This isn't about the challenge for me. It's about the weight loss and giving myself the gift of health. That means far more than the gift of pizza!
The cravings are still there but I find that each time I get tempted with something off plan, I instead think about those clothes hanging in my closet that I've never been able to get into. Getting into them again is within my reach. It's attainable and doable to get back into those clothes and also need NEW clothes! New, smaller clothes I mean!
The team challenge finale will be next week and I'm hoping for another 5 lbs of loss by Thursday. I can do it!
I'm gearing up for the 2 week break between the challenge by already being focused on the end goal and not the "break". There is no break if I want to get to my goals. This isn't about the challenge for me. It's about the weight loss and giving myself the gift of health. That means far more than the gift of pizza!
Thursday, March 10, 2011
Those Sweet Moments
There are days when dieting is hard. No, it's more than hard. It's a true battle. Those are the days when everything is a temptation and each decision to stay on plan is a discussion.
Then there are days when dieting is easy. It flows. You feel in the groove and know without a shadow of a doubt nothing that could happen would divert your path.
I'm in the groove right now. A week or so ago, I was in the battle. I have ups and downs like that and I'm not 100% sure what turns the tides from the downs to the ups and vice versa. What I do know, is that when I'm in the groove, the weight falls off. Did I happen to mention that I like the groove? It's a good place to be!
This week I'm already down 4 pounds since Tuesday and have another couple days to ensure that I hit a 5 lb weight loss next week. That's my personal goal. I'd really like for that to happen. So I'm making it happen by not diverting on my meal plan whatsoever and ensuring I'm walking or jogging at least 4 miles every day. It's happening, people, and it's a great thing!
On another note, I put on my DKNY jeans this morning. They are super cute, if I do say so myself! My butt looked great in them back in the day and you know, it looks good in them again now! I'm within 18 pounds of my lowest so technically these jeans used to be loose and now they're skin tight. It doesn't matter though. I'm wearing them today anyway because I'm celebrating the fact that I can even pull these suckers on over my hips.
Today, the groove is a powerful place to be. It's filled with confidence, freedom, and decision. I'm relishing it and going with the flow of food victories!
Then there are days when dieting is easy. It flows. You feel in the groove and know without a shadow of a doubt nothing that could happen would divert your path.
I'm in the groove right now. A week or so ago, I was in the battle. I have ups and downs like that and I'm not 100% sure what turns the tides from the downs to the ups and vice versa. What I do know, is that when I'm in the groove, the weight falls off. Did I happen to mention that I like the groove? It's a good place to be!
This week I'm already down 4 pounds since Tuesday and have another couple days to ensure that I hit a 5 lb weight loss next week. That's my personal goal. I'd really like for that to happen. So I'm making it happen by not diverting on my meal plan whatsoever and ensuring I'm walking or jogging at least 4 miles every day. It's happening, people, and it's a great thing!
On another note, I put on my DKNY jeans this morning. They are super cute, if I do say so myself! My butt looked great in them back in the day and you know, it looks good in them again now! I'm within 18 pounds of my lowest so technically these jeans used to be loose and now they're skin tight. It doesn't matter though. I'm wearing them today anyway because I'm celebrating the fact that I can even pull these suckers on over my hips.
Today, the groove is a powerful place to be. It's filled with confidence, freedom, and decision. I'm relishing it and going with the flow of food victories!
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Updates and Apologies
Wow, it's been awhile, huh? Sorry fellow bloggers. I've been neglecting my duties! Life has just gotten crazy busy and I'm dealing with things as they come along. My apologies for not blogging sooner.
I'm down 28 something pounds since the start of the team challenge (woot woot!). Today I was up .5 because of some poor choices on Sunday night. I had to put my 19-year-old pup down on Sunday morning and that impacted me far more than I thought it would. Instead of processing (or writing in my journal) as I should have, I went to Mexican food. The salt and grease only served to further the sadness and I'm learning albeit slowly that those unwise choices don't do me any good in the long run.
As for everything else, it's chugging along. I wrote out my weight loss goals and they look as follows:
From today, I want to lose 56 pounds to hit my original goal weight of 157. If I hit 157, I will have lost completely 1/2 of who I was when I started this back in the day.
Here's how it breaks down.
56 pounds = 28 weeks (average 2 pounds per week)
Starting weight (as of today) 213.7
Ending weight 157
Ending date = September 18.
Thinking that I'll be dieting until Sept 18th isn't exactly exciting for me, but knowing that an end in sight is awesome. I'm thinking of what life was like at my lowest (189) and it was good. I can't even imagine how great it will be at 157. I think it might just be amazing. No, I'm sure it will be.
Onward, downward, and forward. That's my motivation!
I have 3 weeks left of this team challenge and I'd like to be down below 200 by the end of it. Doable, right? I say YES! Why not?
I'm down 28 something pounds since the start of the team challenge (woot woot!). Today I was up .5 because of some poor choices on Sunday night. I had to put my 19-year-old pup down on Sunday morning and that impacted me far more than I thought it would. Instead of processing (or writing in my journal) as I should have, I went to Mexican food. The salt and grease only served to further the sadness and I'm learning albeit slowly that those unwise choices don't do me any good in the long run.
As for everything else, it's chugging along. I wrote out my weight loss goals and they look as follows:
From today, I want to lose 56 pounds to hit my original goal weight of 157. If I hit 157, I will have lost completely 1/2 of who I was when I started this back in the day.
Here's how it breaks down.
56 pounds = 28 weeks (average 2 pounds per week)
Starting weight (as of today) 213.7
Ending weight 157
Ending date = September 18.
Thinking that I'll be dieting until Sept 18th isn't exactly exciting for me, but knowing that an end in sight is awesome. I'm thinking of what life was like at my lowest (189) and it was good. I can't even imagine how great it will be at 157. I think it might just be amazing. No, I'm sure it will be.
Onward, downward, and forward. That's my motivation!
I have 3 weeks left of this team challenge and I'd like to be down below 200 by the end of it. Doable, right? I say YES! Why not?
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